R-E-S-P-E-C-T

My long-time friend Bryan called today. Well... he was a friend for a long time before he started the alleged "availibility checks". They started two years ago, almost to the day. I declined then, and I declined now.

But that's not the point of my entry here. It's that until the checks began, and even now, Bryan has been one of the most constant sources of rational advice in my life. Sure it's a little dicey taking advice from someone I trust little. But taken with a grain of salt, even a piece of liver is palatable and probably even good for you. Eh?

So anyways, B asked me all about taking Mister Wonderful home to meet my folks. He wanted to know how everyone acted, and how I felt about the relationship itself (incidentally, that is the manner which he always seemed to insert the avail. check in the past -- wait until I mentioned probs in the relationship, and then make his move).

Oddly enough, this is the first time in recent history that I have had so much respect for my relationship that I didn't share problems, complain, or otherwise seek "help" with issues. Mister Wonderful is so meaningful to me, he is the first person in forever that I have wanted to keep my relationship private with.

To be sure... I've pretty much always felt like this about him. But the previous marriage was a totally different deal -- I was so unhappy I was practically screaming it from the rafters. In fact, that is the way that Bryan and I became friends in the first place. We talked because of work, but continued conversations because of my miserable life and seeing out help to get away from it. For many years Bryan assisted me in rational thought regarding leaving, staying, and making sure that I was just plain taking care of my own mental issues.

It wasn't really a shock that he came sniffing around today. He has always made it plain and clear that he likes to look for "fun" without getting emotionally involved. Even though I never really trusted myself in the past, in situations where I might get into trouble... I know where my heart lies. I know that this situation, this man, is not for me.

And that's why I have always, and will always continue to deny his advances. It's about respecting myself. And for the first time ever, my relationship.