Significant Digits

Darling Othello is a complete mystery to me. There is a number that occurs over and over in our lives - it's in his email address, on his license plate, and pin codes. I know this number, yet he won't share its significance. All of his friends know this number because it is part of their culture of BMX riding.

If anyone knows why all of the BMX riding guys have the number 43 appear in every facet of their lives... if anyone can please tell me its significance and what it means (instead of, like Othello, smiling and saying "there are no words"...) I would be most grateful.

And plus, Othello told me that I would never find out... so y'all know I'm now out to prove him wrong!

The Times, they Are A-Changin'

Keb' Mo' has put a new twist on the old Dylan song... give it a listen if you can find it (iTunes, perhaps?)

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'

That song reminds me of some of Proverbs in the Bible. Like "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth" and so on.

Funny how my times changed over the last Quarter-year. From being alone and drinking too much, to finding a deep, serious love, a committed partner and a future husband. I seriously cried myself to sleep many nights, not thinking that anyone would or could ever love me.

My views of the world and of relationships are incredibly short-sighted, and I'm not exactly sure how to step back and make sure that this time I know what I'm doing. Guess it's a good thing that I can actually see and note that fear exists in my life?

Living "on the edge" is not as fun as it used to be. I'd like to settle down, finish school, and live a life of happiness and babies with my partner, my lover, my soulmate.

I haven't slept in a million years and I haven't eaten since 6 o'clock last night. Four a.m. sucks no matter if you wake up then, the party is just getting good, or if you are on the long side of a 10 hour overnight shift.

My personal life is in shambles, but I have more hope than ever, for the future. I am certain of what I have to offer. I am certain that I will be alright. You wonder why the ambivalence? Because I don't really trust myself after all of this time.

What happened? I fell in love. I got married two years later. Even then, I was only 20. Now I'm 30 and for the past three years I've been trying to convince myself that this hasn't all been a big mistake.

Today I will take a second load of boxes to my new apartment. My friend is bringing some furniture this morning as soon as I leave the office. The apartment manager said about me yesterday after I told her I was leaving home "I know the look... a lot of us have been there before."

Then please tell me why I feel so alone?