Build Me Up Buttercup....

The terrible dreams of my coworker were tormenting me to such a degree that I've been seeing a counselor. It *so* sucks baring my soul to a woman that I don't' even know. It's hella low-rent when you feel like you're going against your own grain: Because I'm nice to everyone and try not to complain... my counseling sessions are me talking myself out of my own fears.

Why does she get paid for this??? Haha.

I Don't Want Another Columbine (or VT, or... you name it!)

Bitter Bill at work today, in the middle of a staff meeting... threatened to shoot all of us. He said he was serious. He ranted and raved and then we all spent the day jittery and wondering if he was really going to end us... our manager the Angel Michael, nipped Bitter Bill in the bud, talking with his manager and his manager above him. This started at 10:30 and by 3:00, I was sitting in a room full of HR folk, reiterating the story.

Arrgh.

I haven't slept in a million years and I haven't eaten since 6 o'clock last night. Four a.m. sucks no matter if you wake up then, the party is just getting good, or if you are on the long side of a 10 hour overnight shift.

My personal life is in shambles, but I have more hope than ever, for the future. I am certain of what I have to offer. I am certain that I will be alright. You wonder why the ambivalence? Because I don't really trust myself after all of this time.

What happened? I fell in love. I got married two years later. Even then, I was only 20. Now I'm 30 and for the past three years I've been trying to convince myself that this hasn't all been a big mistake.

Today I will take a second load of boxes to my new apartment. My friend is bringing some furniture this morning as soon as I leave the office. The apartment manager said about me yesterday after I told her I was leaving home "I know the look... a lot of us have been there before."

Then please tell me why I feel so alone?