On Remembering that I'm a Good Daughter and other stuff

Upon changing all of my passwords this morning (so that they did not have anything to do with M.W., anything we shared together, or his dog), I reviewed my internet billing account settings. I'd totally forgotten that I pay the monthly fees for my parents' internet dial-up access; they have never paid a single cent for access to the World Wide Web.

Seriously, I don't really care that I pay for it -- it's what a Good Daughter should do (especially when she knows that her folks would be total luddites without her electronic tuteledge). It's just that I was impressed that I had done that, that I keep doing that, and that they are getting enjoyment out of something that I do for them. Sigh. I'm good, ain't I?

I'm listening to Acoustic Sunrise (tm) on KFOG. Remember that song called "You're one of my kind" by INXS? Like late 80s. "Cause I'm not sleeping... there's something about you girl... that makes me sweat..." I'm listening to the acoustic version with their new singer "JD Fortune"... you know, the one that was chosen on that reality show last year? Know what I like that much? The acoustic version of "Pinball Wizard". Seriously folks. You've got to be a huge music fan to like acoustic versions.

Alright. Know what else? I have been thinking about the number of weeks when I went to see M.W., thinking that if he irked me in the slightest, I was going to walk out and never come back. He always encouraged my heart, because in his presence, I felt calm, at peace even. And when he was looking into my eyes, holding my hand, or even sharing a Triple Grande Non-fat No-Whip Mocha... it didn't even occur to me that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him. All of the shitty stuff happened when we were not together.

Can that be called neglect?

Who knows, but it makes me feel good that it wasn't something that either of us did, to end us. It's what we didn't do. So then why do we still love eachother so much? And why in hell does it hurt so?

Hmm.