Interesting dreams last night. My little boy, my blonde adonis with tiny round glasses, all of three years old, but articulate as can be... he came to visit my dreams last night!
It has been years since I've dreamed about my babies. When M.W. told me that he no longer wanted a family with me, I should have let him go... Naively, we both wanted to believe that we could get over that and still lead a productive life.
But little Hunter (of course, not his real name) was there, large as life. He knew I was his mommy and he was so tiny but could still walk. His glasses killed me because he was so gorgeous and happy and wonderful.
There was a time before I met M.W. and during our now-defunct courtship that I was fearful that I would not make a good mom. I constantly had thoughts that I would do something dumb like drop the little muffin on his head, or forget to feed him, or leave him in the shopping cart. Through therapy and a round of anti-depressants, I learned that the emotional abuse my ex doled out, coupled with my current depression was responsible for it. Imagine the relief when those thoughts no longer haunted me!
But this is the first time in at least two years, that I've dreamed about my boy. It's a new era of my life, and I can see it. Just need to remember that it WILL happen....
Patience, Grasshoppah!
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1 comment:
OOOOOhh Joie de vivre. Yess!
I had a dream about James this week too. My heart aches. But it won't be long for either of us.
I love you and I am praying for you dear darling sis sis.
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