A revelation...

What I said yesterday, about doing things in life because people would be upset with me if I did not? Well... I just had the most startling moment of clarity: What if, for argument's sake... that I am putting on a brave face for the people around me. And what if, also, those people didn't really need me to be brave; they wanted to help me out of the darkness. I just imagined Jesus standing with his arms out saying "you don't have to pretend for me... just lean on me."

Had a cool thought the other day
Can't remember if I wrote it down -- it's about second chances. Essentially, I give everyone a second chance, or two or three. They screw up my life... they screw up their own lives... heck... I still love them for who they are.

So here's the big question: why do I hold myself to a higher standard? I mean really -- if even the least of my friends and loved ones get endless second chances in my eyes.. then tell me why it's so hard for me to forgive myself for making a mistake in life? In a relationship?

One More Thing
Today, I told my mom about someone special. Someone who I want to date. The guy I mentioned a few days back. She said that I talked about him about the same way she feels about my dad -- safety and security, happiness and encouragement, feeling rational and reaching for goals and dreams together. Mom said that she wants me to be happy, whether it's going out to dinner with Mr. Right when he's breezing thru town, or if it's settling down with him and becoming his Mrs. Right. Yeah, Yeah, I know... I can't jump the gun. But I honestly hope for the latter. I'm like the opposite of a commitmophobe; a commitmoholic. But this feels good, and right and (dare I say it?) Normal.