My Friends were in town from Oklahoma last week. From Friday to Friday (and sea to shining sea) we hit every bar, restaurant, winery and pub that we could get our hands on. Several of the days, I didn't want to go out... but still went...
It's part of that moving on thing... if I hadn't spent time with my friends, I'd have called Othello. oops.
On an interesting note, we went wine-tasting in Amador County, which is in the Sierra Foothills. It doesn't sound like a ton of fun, because it's not Napa, there are no restaurants, and there is no ocean nearby. But believe me... it's gorgeous and the wine was quite tasty.
Justin is a friend of my friend. He always tries to hit on me. He's quite inappropriate, but he's also a charmer and ...can't help but like the attention sometimes.
Showing posts with label Humanity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humanity. Show all posts
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Bashing Stereotypes
Over and over again during the Easter Holiday, I claimed that I was bashing stereotypes of Christians, because I could stand on a mountaintop and be closer to God in my heart, than someone who went to church three times on Resurrection Day.
So I started thinking about other stereotypes that I subscribed to... such as the fact that my extreme distaste for one certain Russian has coloured my view of all Russians. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a bigot. Well wait.. yes I am. That darn man I dated last summer... the one who was like peas and carrots? Based upon a sample of one, I held total disdain for all Russians.
Last month, I met yet another of Othello's long line of exs. She's a good gal and we are becoming fast friends. But we met for coffee. I got to Cicolet & Pain, "Chocolate and Bread" (What can be better?) first and sat at a patio table. Across the deck was the familiar "over-madeup" look of an otherwise gorgeous Ukrainian woman. Instantly I hated her. Then I spilled my coffee right in my lap, because God knows that I respond best to "instant karma". This woman ran over with a handful of napkins, and blotted my coat and pants until I was some semblance of dry.
You know what? I am a total a$$ for hating all Russians for the transgressions of one. And so I continue to bash stereotypes of Christians, by being what I wish all of us were (more accepting like Jesus... )... and now I do it without the 2x4 sticking out of my eye.
So I started thinking about other stereotypes that I subscribed to... such as the fact that my extreme distaste for one certain Russian has coloured my view of all Russians. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a bigot. Well wait.. yes I am. That darn man I dated last summer... the one who was like peas and carrots? Based upon a sample of one, I held total disdain for all Russians.
Last month, I met yet another of Othello's long line of exs. She's a good gal and we are becoming fast friends. But we met for coffee. I got to Cicolet & Pain, "Chocolate and Bread" (What can be better?) first and sat at a patio table. Across the deck was the familiar "over-madeup" look of an otherwise gorgeous Ukrainian woman. Instantly I hated her. Then I spilled my coffee right in my lap, because God knows that I respond best to "instant karma". This woman ran over with a handful of napkins, and blotted my coat and pants until I was some semblance of dry.
You know what? I am a total a$$ for hating all Russians for the transgressions of one. And so I continue to bash stereotypes of Christians, by being what I wish all of us were (more accepting like Jesus... )... and now I do it without the 2x4 sticking out of my eye.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Forcing the Issue: My Soliloquy to Survivors
Upon reading this article today, I am reminded of an ugly part of my past. Go on, skim the article... I am not as concerned about the fashion designer, as to what he allegedly did to those women and girls.
It is most upsetting, as a rape survivor, because I hate when people are systematically abused and society keeps letting them off the hook because of who they are... or worse yet... who you are... or the very worst... you are afraid to even speak up because you fear that no one would believe you.
The thing that I didn't know at age 15, was that when someone abuses you in that manner, it is ingrained into the way your mind works. Those are your formative years... the time when you are learning about yourself, the world and your body... you are deciding what you think is sexy, what you think is hot and how you like being treated not only in a dating relationship, but in a physical relationship and ultimately, marriage.
That was more than half my life ago! And yet sometimes I feel the pain like it happened yesterday. After a failed marriage with a man who turned violent... after a failed relationship with someone very controlling... after 6 months of singledom that felt like an eternity... 8 months into one of the first truly healthy relationships I've shared in my life... I'm starting to take the wind out of the sails that haunted me all these years.
No, I'm over being angry. It's just those things that get ingrained. The momentary thought that you'd actually like to be treated violently.... the fleeting recollection of pain mingled with the slightest amount of... what? Pleasure? Surely you jest. But anyone who has been through this knows what I'm talking about.
The longer time it's been since this terrible thing happened, the more I question whether I fought hard enough... should I have told someone? (of course I should have)... and... did I... like it?
I DID NOT LIKE IT. No one would. Yet the battle rages on until the wind dies down and I can hear my tiny voice clearly saying "No."
-Dot.
P.S. Intense therapy and drugs for depression were also needed to quiet my storm. I encourage anyone who's been treated violently, to seek professional help. Every day is a struggle at first, but then we learn to live and ultimately to love (ourselves - loving others is not really the problem).
It is most upsetting, as a rape survivor, because I hate when people are systematically abused and society keeps letting them off the hook because of who they are... or worse yet... who you are... or the very worst... you are afraid to even speak up because you fear that no one would believe you.
The thing that I didn't know at age 15, was that when someone abuses you in that manner, it is ingrained into the way your mind works. Those are your formative years... the time when you are learning about yourself, the world and your body... you are deciding what you think is sexy, what you think is hot and how you like being treated not only in a dating relationship, but in a physical relationship and ultimately, marriage.
That was more than half my life ago! And yet sometimes I feel the pain like it happened yesterday. After a failed marriage with a man who turned violent... after a failed relationship with someone very controlling... after 6 months of singledom that felt like an eternity... 8 months into one of the first truly healthy relationships I've shared in my life... I'm starting to take the wind out of the sails that haunted me all these years.
No, I'm over being angry. It's just those things that get ingrained. The momentary thought that you'd actually like to be treated violently.... the fleeting recollection of pain mingled with the slightest amount of... what? Pleasure? Surely you jest. But anyone who has been through this knows what I'm talking about.
The longer time it's been since this terrible thing happened, the more I question whether I fought hard enough... should I have told someone? (of course I should have)... and... did I... like it?
I DID NOT LIKE IT. No one would. Yet the battle rages on until the wind dies down and I can hear my tiny voice clearly saying "No."
-Dot.
P.S. Intense therapy and drugs for depression were also needed to quiet my storm. I encourage anyone who's been treated violently, to seek professional help. Every day is a struggle at first, but then we learn to live and ultimately to love (ourselves - loving others is not really the problem).
Thursday, February 08, 2007
My Little Stalker.... or Staying out of the Rain!
On my walk home from work tonight, I committed a faux pas of tiny proportions: talking on my cell phone for two of the three-block stretch.
Picture it: my town, downtown, in the rain. It's nearing dusk. Trudge trudge trudge... Carrying my open golf-sized umbrella. What's that!!! Is someone following me?
I turn halfway around and listen while still talking to my doctor's office on my cell. Nuthin. Okay... trudge trudge trudge... "Goodbye Dr. Ben".... Now wait a second.... I think there *is* someone following me! Turn all the way around and stop.
A little man about 5'2" was standing there, staring up at me. "WHUT!" he said, "Can't blame a guy for tryin' to stay out of the rain!!!" Then he just stalked off into the sunset, as it were.
Hahahahahahahahahaha ha! The man of minuscule proportions was sharing my umbrella with me.
Not sure why, but it's pretty darn funny!
Dot.
Picture it: my town, downtown, in the rain. It's nearing dusk. Trudge trudge trudge... Carrying my open golf-sized umbrella. What's that!!! Is someone following me?
I turn halfway around and listen while still talking to my doctor's office on my cell. Nuthin. Okay... trudge trudge trudge... "Goodbye Dr. Ben".... Now wait a second.... I think there *is* someone following me! Turn all the way around and stop.
A little man about 5'2" was standing there, staring up at me. "WHUT!" he said, "Can't blame a guy for tryin' to stay out of the rain!!!" Then he just stalked off into the sunset, as it were.
Hahahahahahahahahaha ha! The man of minuscule proportions was sharing my umbrella with me.
Not sure why, but it's pretty darn funny!
Dot.
Friday, December 29, 2006
At What Price, Revenge?
I am reading about Saddam Hussein's impending hanging this morning. Certainly the Iraqi's have the right to be angry at the dictator. But don't take my words to be in support of the man.... just hear me out and think about this:
A leader in a mosque prayed today to "Have God take Revenge on Saddam". Revenge. But at what cost? The cost of a human life. We, the alleged humane ones, have taken the role of executing a man in the name of human rights. Where is the humanity in that? But I ask you: is torture better? Is brainwashing him better? Hard labor, scrubbing toilets? Locking him up in solitary confinement and piping religious commentary?
To be truthful, I don't know the answer. But I do know that this morning I read about the execution and became uncomfortable. It doesn't seem like we should let him go free... but at the same time, what right do we have to end someone, no matter what he did?
A leader in a mosque prayed today to "Have God take Revenge on Saddam". Revenge. But at what cost? The cost of a human life. We, the alleged humane ones, have taken the role of executing a man in the name of human rights. Where is the humanity in that? But I ask you: is torture better? Is brainwashing him better? Hard labor, scrubbing toilets? Locking him up in solitary confinement and piping religious commentary?
To be truthful, I don't know the answer. But I do know that this morning I read about the execution and became uncomfortable. It doesn't seem like we should let him go free... but at the same time, what right do we have to end someone, no matter what he did?
Monday, November 06, 2006
A "Spiritual 911"?
The incident of the pastor of the new life church in Colorado is admitting his guilt in the sex-meth scandal over the past week. In my mind, this is hyprocracy at its very worst.
Now don't got and get angry with me: I'm not suggesting that he has to be perfect. However it's important to recognize that being a Human is an incredibly weak place to start... that we need to do the best we can, but ask for help when we can't.
I hate that lots of people are saying that this pastor was the center of the church. Their faith should be placed in Jesus, and not in a single, weak, human being. Likewise they should not lose faith in God for the actions of this weak man.... instead they should use the opportunity to be honest about their own shortcomings... and to be more tolerant, understanding, and most of all, helpful to those whose shortcomings can damage themselves and others.
---
On another note... it's still very fun, settling into the relationship with Othello. He is truly someone that I have opened my heart to... It's really nice.
Now don't got and get angry with me: I'm not suggesting that he has to be perfect. However it's important to recognize that being a Human is an incredibly weak place to start... that we need to do the best we can, but ask for help when we can't.
I hate that lots of people are saying that this pastor was the center of the church. Their faith should be placed in Jesus, and not in a single, weak, human being. Likewise they should not lose faith in God for the actions of this weak man.... instead they should use the opportunity to be honest about their own shortcomings... and to be more tolerant, understanding, and most of all, helpful to those whose shortcomings can damage themselves and others.
---
On another note... it's still very fun, settling into the relationship with Othello. He is truly someone that I have opened my heart to... It's really nice.
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