The evolution of a person from a very stressful situation, through the pain and anguish of breaking off something to which she was very emotionally attached, then coming out on the other side a little stronger... that's pretty amazing. When you see that you have done that yourself... that's downright fabulous.
I cry a lot more than I used to. But I used to be a lot more miserable than I am now. Having to be tough to survive is harder on a person than being weak. Being able to be weak when you can't take it any more is a sign that one has a good support system and that they trust and love and are loved.
As I mentioned in the title... I'm not totally freaked when I see guns anymore. When I see people manipulating eachother, I can disengage instead of melting down. There are things that worry me from time to time, but I know that divorce was right for me in this situation. And if I ever judge someone in a situation that I haven't been in ... well, I just don't think that's going to happen.
Why don't I think that'll happen? Because I have received grace that I didn't deserve. Sitting in smug judgment of others in my situation before I sat in this situation... I deserved to be judged harshly and put away. Instead, a very few people have been unnecessarily kind and generous to a fault. One person in particular didn't even know me and was and still is amazingly kind and generous.
From this, I am taking a lesson in humanity; humility. I told my mom yesterday, who is going through her own set of emotional tough times.... that part of our humanity is to allow our fellow man the grace needed when they are in tough times. Beauty is especially apparent when one is hurting and still affords another grace and sympathy and love and understanding.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
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