... but a change is in the air. Something has been happening to me and I feel a bit stronger. For those who speak with me on a regular basis... you know that my strength is often a fascade. A dear friend once likened it to being a common house-fly, bumbling around in a butterfly suit. That's never been more true. Coworkers, even former friends see a reasonably self-assured woman who is not especially worried about her future -- they see Supergirl who is fearless. Wonder-woman whose strength is endless. In actuality... some days I am that. And some days I feel like I'm one tooth-pick short of collapsing.
However, recently I'm not so weak. Even when I cry, there is an assurance that things are going to get better. Whilst snoozing yesterday afternoon, I felt myself drift into a sort of lucid dreaming, where I was just thinking about all of the shit I'd been through recently.... Hot tears stung my eyes and cheeks... I knew I was still sleeping, but I didn't feel so bad about it all.
A good friend mentioned once that the filing for divorce is closure... not the thing that wounds so much... So I'm looking for the pain to become less...
Damn. I've been on nights again... and even though I slept adequately.... my eyes are closing. It's a crappy feeling.
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