On my way home from Vacation, I had to drive one hour farther than I used to have to drive. I wanted to stop in and be there and I wanted it to be my house again. I cried. I was angry. But I didn't go there. I wanted to snuggle up with my dog... I wanted to snuggle up on my old bed. We had a queen size tempurpedic bed.
The other day I was talking to my s.t.b.x. (soon to be ex) and he said he was watching t.v. in bed. I loved watching t.v. in bed. I miss that damn bed. It was warm and lovely -- I bought expensive linens for it at discount prices (I am most proud of the stark white 340 thread count all-cotton Tommy Hilfiger sheets that were over $100 originally... that I got for $30)... I made it my sanctuary. In fact, the entire bedroom was my creation, my sanctuary. White trim, a blue Amish style quilt, chrome and porcelain knobs on everything. I spent so much time in there, alone, that I wanted it to be my haven. And it was.
My heart is aching for the things I had to give up, in order to keep my sanity. I know, I know... in the big picture, it's just stuff. But in my heart... all of that stuff was a reflection of me. :(
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