The Brother from Another Mother....

Othello's and my friend is in town from Up North this weekend. He didn't know that we'd broken up - it was O's job to tell his people, which he didn't. Not sure what to make of that - he's not too emotional about having been together or now being apart.

We ate pizza together last night and today we attended a BBQ with our friends. After a few beers, I fell asleep at his house, and suffice it to say that I'm really proud that we can be together so much and not feel like we've got to jump on eachother anymore.

There was a point when my heart hurt - ached from moving on and not knowing what the future holds for us as friends. Friends is too casual for how much we still love eachother, and lovers was all wrong and we both knew it... so what does that leave us?

We ended up going out for sushi. In a rare moment of absolute clarity, Othello asked if I'd ever heard the expression "A brother from another mother"? I was tempted to say that I had... but I told the truth - Was it something about step-brothers or half-brothers? He said it was when someone feels so close to you that they're family, regardless of the blood-bond.

I thought he was thinking of the folks we hung out with today - Bobby, Boy-Dorothy (he shares my same actual name), Uncle Huffy, Aunt Em, and Little Hollister. But Othello made a point to say that I am his best friend, that he loves me more than anyone or anything.... he said I'm the brother he never had. Sister... whatever.

The point is that things are a lot easier, looking at him like my bro (and it makes it a lot sicker, if we accidentally kiss). I'm blessed to have a friend love me like that.

--Dot

A Night on the Town: Plan B?

The Coffee Shop Mystery Man picked me up at 7:30 last night, opened his car door for me, and was ever so polite... even though his car was dirtier than mine on the inside. On the one hand, I feel as though he knew all week that he was going out with me... and on the other, I know his kids were over the day before and they can be messy.

We talked for hours over a dinner of steamed mussels in broth, prawns, red snapper and smashed potatoes and gravy-sauce. Wine, candle-light, a rosebud on the table that was getting singed by the candle...

He has a gravelly voice and is still sensitive. He's a musician and an artist and a techie.

He parked his car in front of my house, got out, walked me to the front step, and gave me a hug. I looked at him all evening and longed for him to kiss me goodnight. I didn't get a kiss. But ... kinda-kissed his ear/cheek as we hugged goodnight. Then he waited for me to get inside and turn on a light until he pulled off.

Sigh. It's nice being treated well. There are few concerns at this point, such as 1) What does it mean when a straight man wears a pinky-ring? and 2) He's a good daddy, but is he really over his ex yet?

Anyways.... we'll see what the future brings.

--Dot

P.S. We talked about our religious and spiritual beliefs a couple of nights ago and it turns out that we are not only on the same page, but the same paragraph. Praise God!

Oh My Aching Heart

On the one hand, I'm busy and on the other hand, I can't find/make the time to do anything productive, because I so sad/depressed. I feel like if I cry, it's making things real... and if it's real... then it's really over.

Giving up hope is the hardest part. I think I heard that in a new John Mayer song but it's true: I looked at Othello last night and remembered thinking that we would have a child together one day. A red-haired child that walked like his daddy and had a cute little backpack and smiled all goofy.

But I let it go because he didn't light up my heart.... and I didn't light up his heart.

And now I'm scared because the Mystery Man reminded me of that place in my heart that I thought was long gone... and it's not gone, it's alive and kicking.

So the point is that I'm starting to cry a little because I need Othello and everything associated with him to be over. I need to do the right thing and make some distance. And the most important part is that I'm ready to move on, mourn, let go, and hope for something new, with someone new.

Oh yeah... and I don't need anyone else to complete me. My self-worth is worth more than that.

-dot.

43People, 43Things... One Great Date with a Mystery Man

A man saw my photograph online and wrote a little story about me and my friends, going to coffee every single day. I've seen him there too. This is our little conversation on the website - suffice it to say that we ended up meeting, he's charming, and... swoon!

He said:

I think she’s the one who lights up a local cafe almost everyday surrounded by a phalanx of palace guards (or body guards, or co-workers, or concubines).

Makes me forget what I’m doing every single time, because I SWEAR I know her from somewheres..

She said:

I think she likes coffee a LOT. And I’m pretty sure she’s just the rable-rouser that gets her coworkers to come on over, so it doesn’t look like she’s such an addict. (Actually, you and I know it’s just damn good coffee)

But she’s so shy when it comes to meeting new people… You should go over and say hello. Even if the Palace Guards are there. You should go right up, introduce yourself and say “The glass horse flies at 9”.

I’m pretty sure if you can do that, she might let you basque in her presence. (Okay, that was really over the top).

But seriously… Are you an innocent bystander or one of the coffee gods?

He said:

I missed this one..

Shy? YOU? Get out. But you know, rabble rouser and Weather Goddess don’t really go with shy. I think I’m already in over my head: smart, attractive, AND crafty. I’m done for.

As far as me being innocent: yes I am, as far as you know. Not a coffee god, just a dilettante trying to buy his way in.

- MM

She said:

The rare Sunday coffee run…. Darn the fact that I am not good at recognizing people in person from pictures… But that guy was sitting at the end of the bench, laptop open. I think.

At any rate, I’ve noticed him before. Maybe he will say hello this week?

He said:

Yep, I thought I’d seen you there at that place before. Your hair’s different; it’s more squiggly now. Very cool..

.. Wait.. You were THERE today? You must’ve been outside or in disguise. Either that, or I’m not as observant on 3 hours’ sleep as I’d be if’n I’d gotten a full night’s rest.

Sure, if I see you I’ll stammer out a semi-intelligible: “Uh, Hullo. Heh..” I may jam down to LA on Monday (waiting until the LAST possible minute), but it doesn’t look like my stuff’ll be ready, so I’ll likely be there at some point in the morning! Maybe I’ll see you there (just tell your guards to be nice).

BTW, I’m Mystery Man, and my email is (removed) if you want to drop me a line some time.

- MM

After our first meeting He said:

So this girl is something else. Attractive and wickedly intelligent. Easily distracted by cobwebs, though, so I’m trying to figure out how to work that to my advantage..

She said:

I wonder if she’s distracted by shiny or colorful objects?

She said:

I met him in a coffee shop today. I wasn’t shy and it wasn’t awkward (there sure are a lot of consonants in the word “awkward” huh?).

He is witty in an unassuming way. He made me smile even when I wondered whether he was telling the truth or making up a story to try to impress me.

In the end, I decided that he has an honest heart and … (distracted again) how tall is he? My height or more?? ... where was I?

Oh yes… I blushed when he asked me out to dinner. Too bad I’m hopping on my bike in 2 minutes. Friday would be good. Or Saturday, depending on the visitation status of his small Ninja(s).

One Month Down... and lots of healing to go

I actually forgot on which date I broke up with Othello... but I think it's already been a month. Some days it's like a lifetime and some days it's like 1 minute ago.

My friend El came to interview for an internship at my work yesterday. She told me about one of her old boyfreinds who she continued to get emotional support from, after their breakup. I could see that if I wasn't careful, that would also be the cast with O.

Please pray for me to be strong than that... to meet people and be the kind of woman that God wants me to be.

--Dot.