The Run-Down

I am happy, scared, sad, tired, stressed and LIVID. Here's the rundown:

Happy: LaMar and I continue to develop an emotionally stable and satisfying relationship. He comes here, I go there, we exist and coexist and it's gooooood.

Scared: LaMar's employment struggles are ending, but financial woes continue. A question: how do I know if this is a way of life for him, or just a short-term difficult period? My concern goes directly to the next question, which is: How would that word if there was a family involved?

Sad: I wish my family was here. It's awfully lonely in this state by myself.

Tired: School and work. I've been busy lately.

Stressed: School.


LIVID: Othello was dating this gal that is the former next-door neighbor of my friend Babs (I mentioned her frequently in my blog in 2006 - she was being treated for breast cancer at the time). Anyways, this gal, Emily, was sweet and nice, but a bit possessive (so I thought). Now after their break-up, it's a game of he said/she said that ended in Othello intimating that I, Dorothy wanted him back (that's why I'm around so much... no, not that I live two blocks from him or that we were friends or anything like that).

Something's wrong with that boy. He needs help.


One Last thing: I decided to spend two weeks with my family over the holidays. It was no fun spending it with Othello last year - I think that's when he decided he didn't love me (the minute after he asked me to have his babies "and everything that goes with it"...) So i'm going home. Jayleigh suggested that I take mom to her therapist and have a group session trying to work through some of the issues she has with LaMar. We'll see. I'll get to play music with my sister and snowboard with my brother. Yay!

North Coast Weekender - with a blip from B-Bob

Much to the dismay of my family, I continue to vacation alone at times. One that I'd done before was to drive down Hwy 1 for a period of time. This time, I decided to drive from SF all the way up Hwy 1 to the North Country ...

Thing is... it took about 3 times longer to get there that I'd anticipated. On the bright side, it also took me through the country where the Ewok planet was filmed in Return of the Jedi. Since I didn't get to sight-see on the way up... I did so on the way back.

Redwoods, oh Redwoods! Bea-u-ti-ful!!!

While I was in Eureka, there was an email waiting from B-bob. I responded "Wow, since you gave me so much time to think about it... I don't think that we are a good fit for each other..." (this, for those counting, was 9 days after he last called me. Um, I don't think he was interested. At All).

And I missed Lamar so much.... we talked and talked and talked.... and talked. and texted and emailed. We are growing closer and it's really great.

Midwestern Values or Women Creating Their Own Glass Ceilings?

Yesterday we had a going-away party for Patty. She is a very capable woman in her mid 40s, who is bright and driven. Full of hard work, she exudes strength and family values.

Before the cake was cut, Patty felt compelled to mention the reason she is leaving. I find that this is a common reason for women in my line of work... and while noble and also while it is the same thing I would do... it is further... the same reason that men generally have longer and more successful careers than women: her family obligations were making her late for work.... and she felt badly about it. Patty felt like she was letting down her colleagues by having to drop off her daughter to school, pick her son up from practice... all while her retired husband was on the golf course.

Far be it from me to make a judgment on her husband - because everyone has their own side of the story. But it seems selfish. Patty went on to cite her Midwestern Values and Lutheran Upbringing as reasons that her guilt for not performing to her own standards, is so strong.

I wanted to walk up to her, give her a good hug, sit down and chat ... to encourage her. On the one hand, it broke my heart that yet another role-model for women in this man-filled office (70% of the execs, including Patty, are women), to guilt and family obligations. Girls... doesn't there HAVE TO BE A BETTER WAY than quitting? If so, I don't know what it is.

In all fairness, I know that when the day comes for me to pee on a stick, and it turns blue... I will make my family life come first. There is no hesitation in my heart about that. None whatsoever. But my fondest desire is to find an alternative to quitting, or stepping down, or pairing back on my duties.

Here's to the fallen, the ones who stepped down, the ones who (I fear) feel inadequate because they can't do everything. Ladies, I'd like to see a man be a "working mom". No... when I first started in this male dominated field, I was incredibly jealous - we all did the same job. I was even better than those guys most of the time (girls have to be, to make a name for themselves). They would go home to a clean house, dinner on the table, and a nice stiff drink in their easy-chair while reading the paper. I went home to dirty laundry and a bastard of a husband who expected me to pour him a drink, wash his socks, cook his supper and perform whatever else he expected his wife to do. My statement to them? Hey... I want a wife, too!

Here's to Chicks and their Careers. Live Long and Prosper!