I Can Live Without him... but I Don't Wanna!

Othello is still in Japan. Some bizarre thing has happened to me since he's left: I am still surviving on my own. In fact, Othello is not here to solve my problems, not here to listen to my every utterance... and the world still turns.... Albeit a bit darker without his hand to hold, without his breath in my ear, whispering encouraging words.

He spoke with me last night for the first time in over a week. You know, there is a big difference between needing someone and wanting someone around. I definitely want Othello in my life. He mentioned that when he returns, he will lighten his workload and be there for me. I love that.

Working out my inner demons is something that I needed to do alone. And unfortunately I was not capable of claiming that space for myself. But through all of the unexpected and unwelcome surprises, the strength that permeates me as a human being is phenomenal - it's almost unbelievable that instead of having a hissy-fit, I can choose my reaction.

Anyways, the big deal is that it's okay to be alone once in a while. Sometimes God has plans for us that we can't hear until everything has quieted down and there is nothing left except for the crickets.

BTW... here's a picture of my man, on what he called "The Hakuba Death March"... yes, he's wearing a helmet, goggles, and a snowboard strapped to his back..