My trip to the Diary Capital was nice -- generally in the good food, good friends sense... but specifically in the "I'm a lucky girl to have friends, family, and loved ones always thinking about me. Previously I mentioned that M. Wunderbar proclaimed radio silence on my trip. His heart broke over and over... and in turn, mine broke for him, for us, for me....
How could I be so completely selfish? Actually, when you're not thinking, it's rather a breeze. The only thing I considered when I planned my trip... was that there was no Mister Dorothy to tell me no... Not at all that there is someone at home for whom I have deep feelings and a deep respect, who could be hurt by the apparent appearance of my weekend trip.
The point in the end, was that keeping peace and trust in my relationships is of the utmost importance... and I jeopardized that big-time.
~~~
School starts next week and I just spent two long days lugging furniture out of my old apartment and into my new house. There were points when I was sad, because my old apartment was the first place that was ever all mine. No one helped me move in, no one paid the rent for me, and it was very nice to feel independent.
Exhaustion is taking me over, and I think I need to spend a while watching Cary Grant this afternoon. Sigh. My movie boyfriend.
~~~
My vacation to Madison ended with a drive to Chicago to see my sister, her husband, and my folks. Mister Wonderful sent a basket of snacks and Cokes to our hotel, and we sat around talking and laughing and eating chocolate until we were mean. It was exceedingly generous, thoughtful, and kind. Just like he, himself.
One of the reasons M.W. was so jealous of my trip, was that time was being taken from him and spent with someone he did not know, did not trust, and felt totally helpless to keep me safe from. I love that he spends time, effort, and energy on me like that. After talking extensively, I feel that we have some peace.... but I also now know the acceptable limits of contact with members of the opposite sex.
Live and Learn.
At first it really upset me that M.W. felt the way he did. Then it occured to me that I would be that angry if the situation were reversed. In fact, it could be a deal-breaker if the sitch were reversed. Look at his history. And look at mine. We don't have any reason to trust eachother... but we do because there is honesty, forthrightness, and a real want and need to have changed from the uncomfortable and untrusting past lives of which we were both a part, previously.
My mom asked if I am bringing him home for Christmas. I would like to, yes. He would like to, too. In fact, he asked yesterday if it would be premature to make a proposal... A what???? A... ahem... a proposal?
Wait and see.
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