If I Could....

There is something I've been wanting to say. For a long time, actually. It's been marinating on my brain and just had to settle enough to let it come out on it's own...

Friends used to say that I walked on the edge. "On the Edge" of right and wrong? Guess so. More than once, I was compared to a roller coaster ride. A fun one, but a coaster, none-the-less. Those who knew me best were envious of my free-spirited lifestyle. Not that I was a wild-child, but that emotionally, I seemed freer than those around me. Not afraid of trying or doing anything.

One friend told me that when the ride was no longer fun, he would get off. But he also said that he didn't anticipate that happening for a long time. Well my dear Synoptic... you'll be happy to know that the ride is now over.

Don't get me wrong - I'm still fun. But it occurred to me that I have been using my relationships as jumping-off points, of my own foundation, taking all the beatings, taking all the batterings, while I flourished seemingly indepentant of it. My head almost aches, thinking of how different my relationships may have been.

Wow. Deep.