A dip in the stream that is my consciousness

1) I'm going off of my anti-depressants. Yes, the same ones that I started almost a year ago. The ones that I was driven to, after the horrible ordeal that was my marriage, and the mercifully devoid of emotion ordeal that was my divorce. See, it's not that I was depressed, as much I was piling guilt onto myself for the marriage, his psychotic break, the divorce, my dog being hit by a car, and then falling in love quite soon after, with M.W.

2) Don't get me wrong -- I'm not guilty of anything... but I'm the kind of girl who, when critisized, first believes the critical comments, and then questions them second. (For instance, M.W.'s ex keeps insisting to her children, family, and friends, that I was the cause of the break-up of her marriage. Of course, she's neglecting the fact that she's a screeching shrew and anyone not related to her and has half a brain can't stand to spend more than 5 minutes with her).

3) Jessica R. used to be the wife of my bible-study leader. When my marriage started to fall apart, the two of them tried to intervene. The thing is, my ex is the one who had the mental breakdown. But he used his time in lockup to spin it so that I had done everything wrong. Jessica and her husband told me that "God doesn't allow divorce" and that many of the things that I had done in the past were "disrespectful" of my husband as the head of my household, and that they would offer to "mentor" us in our marriage. You know what? Despite everything, they were taking his side. Why does that happen to so many conservative "christian" people? Why do they ignore the hell out of verbal and emotional abuse, effectively giving the perpetrator a free ticket to controlling and screaming all they want?

4) So I'm not guilty of doing anything but taking control of my life. Today I had a little bit of a hard time with the wooziness of going of my pills, the PMS, and thinking about how completely insane I must be, to be putting myself in the line of "hate-fire" from M.W.'s ex, at his son's wedding next weekend. As always, M.W. allays my fears, calms my heart, and sooths my soul. Sigh.

5) I want an order of honey-walnut prawns. Ever had em?