Saturday, August 11, 2007

I'm Really Struggling Here

Jac emailed me on Thursday to cancel our date for today (Saturday). Seems that he has to work. He EMAILED me to cancel a date, then got defensive that I didn't just say "well, okay, cool... see you when you get back from wherever the hell you're going for the next few weeks".

Of course I was disappointed. And of course I really wanted to see him- he said the same to me. But in 3 days, he has not called. No email in two days. And I'm supposed to what? Just sit here and wait for him?

Not quite. I'm practicing my guitar, taking lots of bike rides, and pretending not to care. But I care. It hurts me.

I do not want to feel like a loser because some guy who I'm crazy about doesn't call. But what is he thinking? Why am I 34 and single?

This just sucks. I know that God has a plan for me. So why does this have to be so hard? I hated being married to my ex... but I loved being a wife. It's where my heart was.... I loved making a home for myself and my mate.

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