At What Price, Revenge?

I am reading about Saddam Hussein's impending hanging this morning. Certainly the Iraqi's have the right to be angry at the dictator. But don't take my words to be in support of the man.... just hear me out and think about this:

A leader in a mosque prayed today to "Have God take Revenge on Saddam". Revenge. But at what cost? The cost of a human life. We, the alleged humane ones, have taken the role of executing a man in the name of human rights. Where is the humanity in that? But I ask you: is torture better? Is brainwashing him better? Hard labor, scrubbing toilets? Locking him up in solitary confinement and piping religious commentary?

To be truthful, I don't know the answer. But I do know that this morning I read about the execution and became uncomfortable. It doesn't seem like we should let him go free... but at the same time, what right do we have to end someone, no matter what he did?

Diamond Encrusted Dog Poop

Content deleted by author (because I frankly don't care).

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Speaking of that, I really admire my twin sister, Jayleigh for being so strong. She's such a great influence on others, and is really making a difference. I don't like how it feels like she's in such a great place and says things to me like "I'm sure glad I don't have to be single right now!"

In fact, why the hell would anyone make a comment like that? because it's fun. It's hard and I would have stayed with Nelson or M.W. if I really felt the way. I did not choose to be single. Why would someone choose to be single? I'm sure there are guys and even a few gals out there who don't want to be tied down. But by and large, as folks mature they want what is known as the typical "American Dream".

Othello and I want that together. We are so excited about it. And about leaving past disappointments behind us and moving into a bright and beautiful future.

Record-tying Post: a.k.a. a Bad '80s Film

Just because I noticed that my 140th post was the previous.... and that I had 141 last year... I thought I'd post a little brag and say "wow, now I've tied my record from last year"....

It's difficult sometimes, to post in a manner that does not offend friends, alienate those who think you're too narcissistic but read you anyways. I'll admit it: My posts are about as shallow as a bad '80s film.

Happiest Girl in the World???

What a Holiday Season! Othello finally finished his Japanese class and started talking with me again. I fretted so much because he doesn't multi-task and end up at the bottom of the totem pole.... so then it came to me that he didn't really care but that wasn't true.

On his last Day of class, O came over to my house, handed me a card entitled "To my Amazing Girlfriend". Inside he said things like "Thanks for being patient through all of the hassles and inconveniences, and still giving us a chance to get through this. I love you and am here for you".

As if that wasn't enough... we took off and went to Tahoe to snowboard (I was learning) and gamble and eat for the week. O's entire goal for the week was to reconnect and be as romantic as possible. Spending so much time together, it occurred to me that he's just a guy and will still watch as much TV and especially cartoons, as humanly possible. Hehe.

So we came home Thursday last week and then went out with his folks on Christmas Eve. They really are lovely people, and we took pictures together and ate. O begged me to stay awake until midnight, so we could open presents. :-)

I knew he would come undone when he saw his gift - an embroidered black belt (karate) with his name in Kanji. Didn't realize that he was such a wonderful person when it came to my gifts: guitar lessons, a new backpack for school, and a beautiful brocade jacket (which he bough the day after I tried it on the first time and proclaimed that it was too expensive!).

On Christmas Day, we went snowboarding again. After I fell a million times and we were standing at the bottom of the hill (he is patient like a saint), he told me that he's ready for a family. After talking about it for a couple of days, we really decided that we're ready to get married, move in, have babies, etc. That was the best Christmas gift EVER.

Now it's time for us to get our fat a$$es in shape and get ready to be a momma and a poppa. Ack. I just said that.

"Even if that's all You were meant to do in this relationship..."

Oh Please, Mom!

I couldn't believe it the other day when I told her how proud I am of Othello going to see his folks every weekend since we've been dating. She said something like "Even if that's all that this relationship was meant to be..." or "Even if that's all you were meant to do in this relationship, it would have been worth it just to get Othello to see his parents every week."

Need I say more? Really. My relationship with Othello continues to grow in ways I've never expected, and my mom already put it on the burnin' pile! She did the same thing with M.W.... and that's why I'm concerned - not that she doesn't like O, but that she sees something that is going to sabotage our relationship in the near future, and she doesn't tell me yet.

My eyes are rolling all the way from here to Timbuktu.

It Was So Ugly.... and I'm Not Supposed to Care....

So why do I write?

M.W.'s fiancee picked out the ugliest ring on planet earth. He felt the necessity to share it with me. (pictures to follow another day) HELL ON EARTH, WHY???? Frankly, as friends go, I think he's making bad decisions while continues to get over what he thought he had with me. Well not me exactly, but the idealized "what I want" that he was finally starting to figure out.

While I could go on for hours analyzing his actions and tell you what I think are mistakes... I'll save all of us from that. Instead suffice it to say that I feel trapped because he keeps sharing the minutest details of his life and the only way to stop it is to break up with him again! (dump his friendship, which is a lot harder to do).

The big problem is that he was my work mentor. So if I truly alienate him to the point where he leaves me alone... I'll be losing a valuable resource. But at the same time... if I never have to look at one of his ugly rings again (Bitch Sally's ring looked like a monkey pooped it out and then dipped it in ugly-syrup), it'll be too soon.

Alas, I complete my thoughts and gather myself, realizing that unless I do just make the final break, I'll never be free.

-Dot, perplexed.

He Turns 21 Tonight...

Pellegrino and I dated in high school. For reasons still not clear to me, we fell out of favor with eachother (after two years of dating). Looking back, I think it was because he was too busy working, or something like that. And that's when I met Nelson, dumped Pell and the rest, as they say, was history. Years later, Jayleigh met Pellegrino's baby son, who was named "Joey"... my nickname.

Yes, I've always felt the regret... knew that Pell was as confused as me. But then, we make our choices, move forward, and go on with our lives. So why did I have a lengthy dream about Pellegrino last night? Why did we talk about it, what went wrong, and how to avoid those mistakes in the future? I kept saying "the key is communication... we didn't talk to one-another and needed to do that, to be brutally honest"...

My thought is that I stopped running, finally. Stopped running from the past, from my exes, and from my own brain. So Pell and I sat on a bench, in a park, with snow all around (even though it was really hot outside), chatting about what went wrong, what went right, that while we could never go back... we can certainly move forward and not make those same mistakes again.

After I woke up, I called Othello and told him about my dream. He laughed that I was really scraping the bottom of the barrel, going back to the high-school boyfriends and working out the problems in my dreams. But the fact is, after almost 20 years, I'm dealing with issues that have been hiding out, that I run from.

As Pellegrino was standing up to walk out of my dreams, he said "I'm turning 21 tonight... I'm turning 21 tonight, Dorothy, I'm turning 21 TONIGHT"

How odd.

The Christmas Rains

The weather changed yesterday. The rains are constant, lingering, colder, the winds blow. And I'm snuggled up inside in my jammies on the couch, typing and listinging to Vince Guaraldi tickle the ivories and my heart go back to childhood Christmases.

I recall years where my mom would say she was really not "in a Christmas mood"... and those were the years when we didn't pull out the decorations and the music early, listen to it often, and make merry.

My point is what you get what you expect. I'm not talking about outrageous expectations... but if you expect happiness, you naturally lead your life in that direction. And if you expect badness, your life will be steered toward it.

Me? I like a happy holiday. Warm, snuggly, cuddly and peaceful.

The Changing Meaning of Words, Part 1

Since when did "Do you want to..." mean "Would you please do..."? Othello is such a gentle soul, and it makes me laugh when he asks me to do something. Anything from moving the trashcans to hanging up my coat... He asks "Do you want to move those trash cans for me?" and I'm thinking "Not really... it's cold outside and I'm not wearing any gloves." He'll say "Would you like to pick up your coat?" and my reaction is "Not really... I'm rather enjoying my tenure here on the sofa and it just warmed up to my butt temperature... "

In every situation, he asks if I would like... this or did I want to... that. A less sensitive woman might just go ahead and think he was really curious as to her likes and dislikes. Translating this to it's most obvious and ridiculous end (much like my favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut, might)... In the bedroom... would it be something like "Would you like me to {fill in the blank} to you?" and "Do you want to {use your imagination} on me?"

Haha! That's really funny :-) Othello. Wow, I'm spent.