The dreams have started again. And the little amounts of sleep.
Tonight the dream was about something happening to the weather. Something snapped and there were thundersotmrs and tornadoes, and nothing was ever the same again.
Then I woke up. After only 2 hours of sleep.
It was like this when I moved to Oklahoma too.
I'm a little homesick for a place I didn't really like that much. Plus, I don't know my new home that well.
But that dream felt so real. That tornado, too.
And for some reason, I found myself breathing through a hamburger bun...
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
The Sunday Seven....
Topics which I want to address this week:
Walk a mile in my shoes: on my first three-mile trek in heels, at 105 degrees outside
It was a long week, but I made it
Town-living
California dreamin' with M.W. on a sunny Sacramento Saturday...
A taste of parenthood: mmm.... Yummy!
Hola, I don't espeak eyour elanguage -- on washing your clothes in a bilingual laundromat
Why it pays to be nice at work: free basketball tickets, and other fun things
Walk a mile in my shoes: on my first three-mile trek in heels, at 105 degrees outside
It was a long week, but I made it
Town-living
California dreamin' with M.W. on a sunny Sacramento Saturday...
A taste of parenthood: mmm.... Yummy!
Hola, I don't espeak eyour elanguage -- on washing your clothes in a bilingual laundromat
Why it pays to be nice at work: free basketball tickets, and other fun things
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Day 3 on the Road... King of the Road...
.... snap.... snap.... snap.... snap
Trailers for sale or rent
Rooms to let, fifty cents
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
Ah, but, two hours of pushin' broom
Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.
Well not exactly, but I picked up M.W. yesterday in Denver, and we were in Cheyenne, Laramie, Salt Lake and Elko today. Tomorrow we'll finish our trip and install me safely into the new place.
I'm a little nerve-wracked because I started to think about what exactly pushed me to come out here? Certainly this is a dream that I've had for the better part of 7 years. Not sure... I've always liked the weather, though.
Doesn't it seem a little crazy to follow your gut when you don't even know why?
The thing that is certain, however, is that I am even more in like with M.W. than I had ever thought.
Trailers for sale or rent
Rooms to let, fifty cents
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
Ah, but, two hours of pushin' broom
Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.
Well not exactly, but I picked up M.W. yesterday in Denver, and we were in Cheyenne, Laramie, Salt Lake and Elko today. Tomorrow we'll finish our trip and install me safely into the new place.
I'm a little nerve-wracked because I started to think about what exactly pushed me to come out here? Certainly this is a dream that I've had for the better part of 7 years. Not sure... I've always liked the weather, though.
Doesn't it seem a little crazy to follow your gut when you don't even know why?
The thing that is certain, however, is that I am even more in like with M.W. than I had ever thought.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
If I only Had a Banjo.... I'd play me a Theme Song: Day 1 on the Road
Eastbound and Down loaded up and truckin Ah we gonna do what they say can\'t be
done We\'ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there I\'m eastbound
just watch old bandit run
Make that Westbound, won't you? But check it... IF I ONLY HAD A BANJO..... Ain't it funny how when you're moving cross-country, crazy crap like that keeps running through your head?
I'm near Wichita this morning, and am only scheduled to make it to Denver on my own. Then I'm meeting M.W. at our fave chain restaurant and we're gonna have fish-n-chips and cinnamon raisin apples, and push on toward midnight.
Won't you say a prayer for me/us?
Come on... let's hear a clang clang clang and a root toot toot! I'm soooo tired. Let me detail my last 24 hours for you (say all that in an Eric Cartman voice, and add the word "HE-uh" on the end, and we'll all land in a pile of Monkeys!):
Hour 24 through 23: Finished my last hour at the office (an overnight shift), complete with tons of hugs, few tears (a shocker for me) and one last snub of my b@st@rd supervisor.
Hour 23 through 22: Ran my final paycheck to the bank and procured Breakfast
Hour 22 through 19: Slept on the sofa for last day home precuz (hi Jay!) my bed was disassembled.
Hour 18 through 11: Seriously? I packed. And packed and ran up and down the stairs and packed. And got a pizza from L.C. and packed. Hear me and testify if you know what I'm talkin 'bout HE-uh: I drank an entire 2-litre of sodee-pop and did not pee. Not even once. It was that hot.
Hour 11 through 8: Drove myself and all of my earthly possessions north to ICT.
Hour 8 through 7: Got angered by the fact that the friend I was meeting was quite late. Turns out later, that her friend had just had her appendix out over the 4th of July, and had a real scare in the hospital. So my friend went over and fed her kids and kept her friend company while her husband was out of town on a business trip.
Hour 7 through 5: Dished with my friend and was generally glad to see her. We talked about families, about friends, and about the fact that my fingernails are eroding to the quick because they are thin and peely and don't like lifting heavy boxes.
Hour 5 through hour 1: SLEEP. Sweet Sleep. And now I'm up too early and feel like HEECK! But I'm meeting my sweetheart in Denver in the afternoon.
Hour 0 through hour -1: Breakfast, free at the Hotel. The Business Suite was only tw... three dollars exter (hi Jay). So I have high speed connex right now. Wahoo!
Hour -1 through -10: Drivin' to Denver. Meeting my sweetie. I've had a weird feeling all day that we shouldn't continue past our original city tonight. But it's a little weird for me to tell M.W. that I'm worried about pressing on. When he reads this, he should keep in mind that I am conservative with my life, and don't want to play around with my safety. A weird feeling is a weird feeling. And I'm fine with Denver, not fine with Laramie.
One hour at a time
So there you have it. That is my day. See ya tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be the tough one, as it's Eewtaw and Nebata.
Keep prayin' and I'll get out my banjo and play us a little driving myoozik!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
I'm told I kick ass...
That was the comment of a coworker, as we parted for a last time at the Mont. It was probably the highest form of praise which could ever be received from him.
It was fun seeing everyone together one last time. Oh sure, they will be around here and there, in my new location. But it won't ever be this way again. Comfortable.
There are so many uncertainties, it's no wonder that I have a sick tummy. Well that, and the chips and salsa, the 4 diet cokes, and of course, the mushroom swiss burger. And I haven't even eaten the bourbon-pecan pie, yet!
Sacramento will be a change for me, but I'm so full of anticipation, it's almost useless to worry. Friday I hit the road. Won't you say a prayer for me?
It was fun seeing everyone together one last time. Oh sure, they will be around here and there, in my new location. But it won't ever be this way again. Comfortable.
There are so many uncertainties, it's no wonder that I have a sick tummy. Well that, and the chips and salsa, the 4 diet cokes, and of course, the mushroom swiss burger. And I haven't even eaten the bourbon-pecan pie, yet!
Sacramento will be a change for me, but I'm so full of anticipation, it's almost useless to worry. Friday I hit the road. Won't you say a prayer for me?
It's a song. It's awesome. And it reminds me of M.W.
Even the Best fall down sometimes.
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
In the Vacuum of my mind
I somehow find that you and I....
Collide.
M.W.: Hey-ya! I'm gonna see my boyfriend! I'm gonna see my boyfriend in Denver on Saturday! Wahooooooo!
ilywamhas
psthankyouformw
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
In the Vacuum of my mind
I somehow find that you and I....
Collide.
M.W.: Hey-ya! I'm gonna see my boyfriend! I'm gonna see my boyfriend in Denver on Saturday! Wahooooooo!
ilywamhas
psthankyouformw
Planes, Trains, and Icky Joel Hugs
I saw Joel tonight.
Yes, the same Joel that gave me an icky, unwanted hug in front of M.W. back in San Francisco in March of this year. He was slithering around the operations floor, tan as leather. As I walked by, he didn't even stop to say hello (which I didn't care, but wait till you hear what comes next)... but instead, he put his hand down away from his side, and held it out to (gulp, gag, help me) brush my hand with!
Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that the man sets out to "on purpose" harass... but come on! He's got to realize that people don't touch in the work place!
Anyways, upon leaving here for the Golden State... I'm glad that I will be missing the icky Joel hugs from now on. But kinda sad that I don't forecast for Planes, trains, and automobiles anymore.
Yes, the same Joel that gave me an icky, unwanted hug in front of M.W. back in San Francisco in March of this year. He was slithering around the operations floor, tan as leather. As I walked by, he didn't even stop to say hello (which I didn't care, but wait till you hear what comes next)... but instead, he put his hand down away from his side, and held it out to (gulp, gag, help me) brush my hand with!
Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that the man sets out to "on purpose" harass... but come on! He's got to realize that people don't touch in the work place!
Anyways, upon leaving here for the Golden State... I'm glad that I will be missing the icky Joel hugs from now on. But kinda sad that I don't forecast for Planes, trains, and automobiles anymore.
Of Hubberds' and Howarths':
Strong women are required, to make a farmer's wife.
When I went Home to Michigan, my Dad's Aunt passed away. I had the unique opportunity to reconnect with much of the family.
The family -- immediate and extended -- is late for everything. Even the funeral was later than socially acceptable... an entire week after the loved one departed! Late for her own funeral.
Well anyways, I started thinking of my Grandma Hubberd, who was a Howarth. She was strong, talented, and hard-working. So were her sisters, my Great Aunt Ruth (laziest), and Great Aunt Ellen (the nurse). But Grandma was a farmer's wife. Her brothers were Uncle Hank (truckdriver) and Uncle Ben ("grand poobah").
In speaking with my cousin Joanie, she reminded me of a little remembered fact when I was a child: Grandma was incapaciated after a stroke, and Grandpa became a bit abusive toward her. It was like we all tried to not remember it... but my folks totally agreed that it was a valid memory. Joanie said that she did not like to think of it, but I can barely remember anything about her. So Joanie did say that she had a psychology class that offered this: Sometimes the family caretaker is abused when he or she falls ill, and is then asked to become dependant upon those who he or she used to attend to.
She Wasn't Very Nice
Uncle Ben's wife was the one who passed. She was pretty fretful as a human being, and she was never nice to Grandma, my dad, my mom, or myself. But her daughters had a lot of nice things to say about her. While one supposes that daughters should have nice things to say about their moms, I began thinking about her daughters.
Annabeth is a precocious know-it-all, aged 3, in the body of a 55 year old woman. It ain't pretty, folks. If anyone in my immediate family makes up a story or exaggerates the truth, my Dad calls them Annabeth.
Pam flew the coop. Literally. She moved to Texas and raised her family there. I love her so much. And her family. She reminds me of me.
Thinking of Other Howarth woman:
Annabeth has a daughter named Joanna. Pam has daughters Sarah and Emily. Aunt Ruth's daughter is Mary, and her daughter is Erica. Her son's daughters are Amy and Rachel. Grandma had no daughters, but three sons, two who had daughters. Joanie is the daughter of Uncle G, and then there's me and Jayleigh, who are the daughters (!) of Dad. To my knowledge, Uncle Hank never had kids. Aunt Ellen raised Los Ninas, who I can't seem to understand, but apparently has never done a hard day's work in her life (I hate to be violent, but she reminds me of this girl at work, whose pinky-finger I want to snap off!).
So, save for Los Ninos, we're all successful in our own right. We made the world our way. We are independant and happy and soul-free!
I think adding on the Hubberd gene for me, Jayleigh and Joanie added an extra ounce of "fire" to our souls. We ain't no shrinkin' violets -- and we were the first girls in our family in 150 years.
When I went Home to Michigan, my Dad's Aunt passed away. I had the unique opportunity to reconnect with much of the family.
The family -- immediate and extended -- is late for everything. Even the funeral was later than socially acceptable... an entire week after the loved one departed! Late for her own funeral.
Well anyways, I started thinking of my Grandma Hubberd, who was a Howarth. She was strong, talented, and hard-working. So were her sisters, my Great Aunt Ruth (laziest), and Great Aunt Ellen (the nurse). But Grandma was a farmer's wife. Her brothers were Uncle Hank (truckdriver) and Uncle Ben ("grand poobah").
In speaking with my cousin Joanie, she reminded me of a little remembered fact when I was a child: Grandma was incapaciated after a stroke, and Grandpa became a bit abusive toward her. It was like we all tried to not remember it... but my folks totally agreed that it was a valid memory. Joanie said that she did not like to think of it, but I can barely remember anything about her. So Joanie did say that she had a psychology class that offered this: Sometimes the family caretaker is abused when he or she falls ill, and is then asked to become dependant upon those who he or she used to attend to.
She Wasn't Very Nice
Uncle Ben's wife was the one who passed. She was pretty fretful as a human being, and she was never nice to Grandma, my dad, my mom, or myself. But her daughters had a lot of nice things to say about her. While one supposes that daughters should have nice things to say about their moms, I began thinking about her daughters.
Annabeth is a precocious know-it-all, aged 3, in the body of a 55 year old woman. It ain't pretty, folks. If anyone in my immediate family makes up a story or exaggerates the truth, my Dad calls them Annabeth.
Pam flew the coop. Literally. She moved to Texas and raised her family there. I love her so much. And her family. She reminds me of me.
Thinking of Other Howarth woman:
Annabeth has a daughter named Joanna. Pam has daughters Sarah and Emily. Aunt Ruth's daughter is Mary, and her daughter is Erica. Her son's daughters are Amy and Rachel. Grandma had no daughters, but three sons, two who had daughters. Joanie is the daughter of Uncle G, and then there's me and Jayleigh, who are the daughters (!) of Dad. To my knowledge, Uncle Hank never had kids. Aunt Ellen raised Los Ninas, who I can't seem to understand, but apparently has never done a hard day's work in her life (I hate to be violent, but she reminds me of this girl at work, whose pinky-finger I want to snap off!).
So, save for Los Ninos, we're all successful in our own right. We made the world our way. We are independant and happy and soul-free!
I think adding on the Hubberd gene for me, Jayleigh and Joanie added an extra ounce of "fire" to our souls. We ain't no shrinkin' violets -- and we were the first girls in our family in 150 years.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
T minus Three Days and Counting...
It's the first of the last nights that I will have to work, ever. I'm tired, I've been packing for 3 days, and I'm not sure if it will all get done on time.
In the past, I've joked that you get to a certain point in the packing, where you could just decide to say "screw it" and take a scoop shovel and empty the remainder of your belongings into a dumpster. I'm not quite there yet.
In moving, the executive decision was reached to give away the lions share of my belongings, and start afresh, in the Golden State. Reason being, that it was going to be more expensiver (hi jayleigh!) to move everything, than those things cost in the first place!!! So I was trying to sell things, now I'm trying to give them away. Today I found my wedding gown. It wasn't even hard to not look at it. I put it in the Goodwill pile.
Somehow, I can't seem to leave the wedding album behind. Although I have not looked at it in over a year... today my therapist mentioned that it is part of "my story" and someday, I may regret not seeing myself as a young and beautiful woman... I may miss seeing my folks when they were dressed beautifully, and especially seeing my idealistic self. Full of expectations and hope. Full of anticipation and ideas. Full of anxiety and completely terrified. Of what I was afraid would happen if I wasn't a "good girl" and of what did happen, even though I was.
So my story stays but the trappings of my wedding will finally go. Along with many of the clothes that I owned when I was married. And gifts that although I really loved them, I will part with, because they were from him. And furniture. And shoes. And thoughts, feelings, and memories that although long dormant, I have not forgotton in the two places I've lived since divorcing nearly a year ago.
M.W. and I have talked at length about the ways in which one grieves at the loss of a relationship. He grieved little after his divorce. I still grieve. Not for him... but for the fact that I could not, no matter how hard I tried, keep the relationship from failing. Because I don't want him back. But I'm still mad that I had to go through all of that.
But I'm not mad that I am moving to California on Friday. I'm not mad that I'm living my dream, taking my future by the b@lls, and making the most of everything I have!
In the past, I've joked that you get to a certain point in the packing, where you could just decide to say "screw it" and take a scoop shovel and empty the remainder of your belongings into a dumpster. I'm not quite there yet.
In moving, the executive decision was reached to give away the lions share of my belongings, and start afresh, in the Golden State. Reason being, that it was going to be more expensiver (hi jayleigh!) to move everything, than those things cost in the first place!!! So I was trying to sell things, now I'm trying to give them away. Today I found my wedding gown. It wasn't even hard to not look at it. I put it in the Goodwill pile.
Somehow, I can't seem to leave the wedding album behind. Although I have not looked at it in over a year... today my therapist mentioned that it is part of "my story" and someday, I may regret not seeing myself as a young and beautiful woman... I may miss seeing my folks when they were dressed beautifully, and especially seeing my idealistic self. Full of expectations and hope. Full of anticipation and ideas. Full of anxiety and completely terrified. Of what I was afraid would happen if I wasn't a "good girl" and of what did happen, even though I was.
So my story stays but the trappings of my wedding will finally go. Along with many of the clothes that I owned when I was married. And gifts that although I really loved them, I will part with, because they were from him. And furniture. And shoes. And thoughts, feelings, and memories that although long dormant, I have not forgotton in the two places I've lived since divorcing nearly a year ago.
M.W. and I have talked at length about the ways in which one grieves at the loss of a relationship. He grieved little after his divorce. I still grieve. Not for him... but for the fact that I could not, no matter how hard I tried, keep the relationship from failing. Because I don't want him back. But I'm still mad that I had to go through all of that.
But I'm not mad that I am moving to California on Friday. I'm not mad that I'm living my dream, taking my future by the b@lls, and making the most of everything I have!
Monday, July 11, 2005
The Last Week
Well, somebody noticed that I ain't been postin'. Guess why? Because I'm moving to Cali on Friday!!!! Wahoo! Career-type job, great location, and nearer to my sweetie!
I'm a little fed up with packing, as given by the photog below.
The Last Day
Yesterday was a day to see old friend and school-mates here in Oklahoma. Three meals and I only paid for one of them. Breakfast, Lunch and Dessert. No, not dinner... but at least it started with a "D". It was at dinner time, too.
Today, I said goodbye to my friends from LifeChurch.tv... I'm gonna miss them more than they will ever know. It wasn't the goodbye that sucked. But knowing that there is always a place in God's family that I, Dorothy, actually feels comfortable.
The Next Day
M.W. is flapping his wings all the way to DEN this weekend, to help me drive my crap out to my new home in the Valley. I'm going to swing by the aeropuerto on my way through town, and then beat feet west.
Go West Young (wo)Man!!!!
Hahaha... Lalala... Hehehe... Me me me!!!
I'm a little fed up with packing, as given by the photog below.
The Last Day
Yesterday was a day to see old friend and school-mates here in Oklahoma. Three meals and I only paid for one of them. Breakfast, Lunch and Dessert. No, not dinner... but at least it started with a "D". It was at dinner time, too.
Today, I said goodbye to my friends from LifeChurch.tv... I'm gonna miss them more than they will ever know. It wasn't the goodbye that sucked. But knowing that there is always a place in God's family that I, Dorothy, actually feels comfortable.
The Next Day
M.W. is flapping his wings all the way to DEN this weekend, to help me drive my crap out to my new home in the Valley. I'm going to swing by the aeropuerto on my way through town, and then beat feet west.
Go West Young (wo)Man!!!!
Hahaha... Lalala... Hehehe... Me me me!!!
BoxHenge
Swear to me that you will never tell a single soul, that I did this last night when I was so tired and slap-happy from packing. SWEAR IT!
Monday, July 04, 2005
On the perils of being ½ of an egg, which produced two Alpha Females
Not that I’m complaining at all about being or not being the queen of my domain. But when a queen changes domain, she has to deal with the fact that her former domain has a new queen… ya know? So my twinnie-pooh is the same way, and she also doesn’t particularly realize that when the former queen comes home, there will be trouble.
Why? That’s easy. Because old-queen and new-queen have different ways of doing things, different ways of seeing things, and most especially, different opinions about the way the world works. Old queen knows of things far and wide, and wants to open new queen up to the whole way the world works. New queen knows of family and responsibility, and of what it means to play by the rules, do what is expected of you, and make a fun night not of fancy restaurants and bottles of wine and trips far and away… but of hotdogs, hometowns, and life-long friends.
Two alpha females, and two modes of operation… two versions of mechanics on which the earth spins…
Why? That’s easy. Because old-queen and new-queen have different ways of doing things, different ways of seeing things, and most especially, different opinions about the way the world works. Old queen knows of things far and wide, and wants to open new queen up to the whole way the world works. New queen knows of family and responsibility, and of what it means to play by the rules, do what is expected of you, and make a fun night not of fancy restaurants and bottles of wine and trips far and away… but of hotdogs, hometowns, and life-long friends.
Two alpha females, and two modes of operation… two versions of mechanics on which the earth spins…
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