Whatever it Takes!

The holiday weekend has been difficult on me. Of couse, M.W. and I always did tons of stuff, and he's practically living over at his lady-friend's house. (I said practically!). It hurts so much.

And Destiny is having fun with her friends and family. And Brawny's son is in town. And I'm trying to ward off a crush I have on Kilo, so we can't see eachother.

So what's a girl to do, to keep herself from being sad and lonely? The pact I made with myself this weekend is "Whatever it Takes" regardless of cost or loss... WHATEVER IT TAKES!

On Saturday I worked and was pretty much a basket-case. In the late afternoon I decided to go to a church service. That started helping. Yesterday I got up at 6 am. Watched my favourite tv program (Sunday morning) and drank coffee. Had more coffee on the back balcony, took a long hot bath, shaved my legs, picked out a fetching outfit of white slacks and mango top, got a coffee-to-go from my fave place and walked 2 miles to the art museum and milled around looking at my favorite form of artistry: the classic Dutch painters.

In the afternoon, I trekked to a favorite Mexican restarurant and ordered my food and a beer. Ate it. Across the street was a movie theater, but my show didn't start for an hour. I went to a bargain-basement store and bought a Candy-apple red Liz Claiborn "alligator" purse for $20! Then over to the Da Vinci Code. Loved the book, liked the movie. Back home, I watched a movie that Kilo gave to me last weekend, then went for an 8 mile bike ride. Showered, got back in the car to hunt down some pancakes. I ended up with Mexican again. And an apple pie. Watched everything that was on my TiVo, got silly on a few glasses of Chardonnay.... talked with M.W. about our ongoing project (he's always too busy for me. Used to be too busy with work to spend some private time. Now he's too busy with his lady-friend to work with me), talked with Kilo about his ex-fiancee' trying to get him back, and went to bed by 10.

My tactic worked! Today may indeed end up being a 40+ mile bike-ride, just to keep my mind on trace.

Whatever It Takes!

Peace,

Dorothy.

Do I make you proud?

After watching "American Idol" Taylor Hicks for the win last week, I couldn't help but feel like he was singing a song that I wanted to ask God... "Do I make you proud?"

Last night I went to church for the first time since the breakup. The pastor is okay and the church was okay (although they angered me when they acted all cliquish and the people were a little less Oklahoma-nice and a little more California-better'n you.

I was surprised also to receive a phone-call last night from Kilo. He asked what I was up to and when I said that church was my hot Saturday night date.... he asked if he could join me! Now *that's* awesome!

Brawny did not call... not that I expected him to, but he could have emailed. We talked Friday night and he mentioned calling on Monday and getting together. But I can't hold off my entire weekend. Perhaps I should not be available... Now now boys... don't get jacked out of shape -- seriously! Women want to know that they count. And YOUR planning ahead can accomplish just that!

MW is now fully entrenched (5 dates in 4 days) with an older, shorter, closer version of me. I'm sure she has more redeeming qualities than that. Namely, that she's less than an hour away, has a pulse, and lives in the city which he so snobbishly adores being a part.... oh, she has the odd-jobs of a college co-ed, and she needs to be "fixed".... So he finds her irrestable.

Once I asked him why he didn't leave me. He said that he didn't think I could stand on my own yet. Um. Thanks. On behalf of all women everywhere: WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!

~~~

So my trip plans to Michigan are coming along nicely. Synoptic is making plans from his end, I'm making plans from mine. And I really hope that the sparks I kept myself from feeling in his presence, are there when we meet again.

No One Saved Me....

There was that time when I was waiting for a White Knight to save me.
No one did.

M.W. once said he was my Don Quixote, but he was the world's D.Q., not mine.

Synoptic once was my Knight. But he needed me to be my own person, whole, before coming to him.

So Dorothy is all alone in her heart, all alone in her own Land of Oz.

No one saved her, and yet she lives.

Missing You by John Waite (a.k.a. Bad English)

Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here
And you're miles away
And I'm wondering why you left
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time
Thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild
And there's a heart that's
breaking
Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all
Since you¹ve been gone
Away I ain't missing you
No matter
What I might say

There's a message
In the wild
And I'm sending you this signal tonight
You don't know
How desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world
I have no meaning
Though I'm trying hard to understand
And it's my heart that's
breaking
Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
AwayI ain't missing you
No matter
What my friends say

And there's a message that I'm sending out
Like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
AwayI ain't missing you
No matter
What my friends say

I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I keep lying to myself

MW.... I ain't missing you

Three Strikes? Well... he already has two....

And I haven't even met him yet!!!

Brawny cancelled our date for tonight. In 8 minutes, I was supposed to be shaking his hand at a restaurant.... and he cancelled. Of course we're rescheduled for tomorrow... but that isn't the point.

When he said he was going to call, he didn't. The 2nd time he was going to call, he was an hour late. And he cancelled our first date. I'm totally feeling chemistry there... but it's doubtful that he would ever make any time for me at all (do we hear echos of M.W. jading my heart, or is this for real?)

Dot.