On a trip home from South Carolina one Easter Break (tells you how long ago that was... that we called it that), my mom and sister were in the front seat of the car, and it was the first time my brother didn't come with us. I think I might have been 12 or 13.
Dad and I put the seats down in the back of the car and stretched out to take a nap. I put my arms around his neck and put my head on his chest. I've never forgotten what he said to me "Soon, you'll be too old to lay here in my arms like this. The next person you'll be like this with is your boyfriend."
Of course, at that age, I thought "GROSS!" and was kind of mad at him for saying that. But with the last couple of weeks, I've realized that he saw then what I didn't: he couldn't always be there for what I needed, and it wouldn't always be okay for me to sit on his lap and be his little girl.... But his love has stayed with me.
Yesterday was really hard for me. Weird date, weird interaction with M.W. and I'm really regretting that it didn't work out. And I snuggled into my 4 pillows on the bed and suddenly remembered my daddy.... the thought that occurred to me was of resting my head on Jesus' chest. Just sleeping there like his little girl, nothing would ever happen to me and my dreams would be sweet.
And they were.
Monday, May 01, 2006
That Rainbow Guy
My very first boyfriend was a colourful guy. And why wouldn't I think of him, when his "twin", Rainboy, took me out to a movie last night?
Although I could bemoan the details of the entire date, it goes like this: he's too touchey, talks too much in general, talks too much about his past, about his/"our" future, about things that have gone wrong in his life, about how I'm going to make it better, well... you get the idea.
Know what was weird? Rainboy wanted to hold my hand and I couldn't let him. It seemed too intimate. It seemed too soon to touch the soul of a man who I didn't even know his last name! So as we walked, I put my hand through his arm and we walked.
He asked me for a second date and I agreed.. but only to give him a "second chance", since our first one was a late movie.
So far the score goes like this: Prince Charming: 0, Frogs: 2.
Although I could bemoan the details of the entire date, it goes like this: he's too touchey, talks too much in general, talks too much about his past, about his/"our" future, about things that have gone wrong in his life, about how I'm going to make it better, well... you get the idea.
Know what was weird? Rainboy wanted to hold my hand and I couldn't let him. It seemed too intimate. It seemed too soon to touch the soul of a man who I didn't even know his last name! So as we walked, I put my hand through his arm and we walked.
He asked me for a second date and I agreed.. but only to give him a "second chance", since our first one was a late movie.
So far the score goes like this: Prince Charming: 0, Frogs: 2.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
The Chipmunk Races....
Yesterday was good. M.W. and Kiki went skydiving, and I stayed on the ground and took their pictures. Got a free bottle of good wine "7 Deadly Zins" out of it, free lunch, and a little more heartached; I really regretted the loss of this relationship on every level.
Although a good point was when I realized that I loved M.W. -- still do -- but that I'm not "in love" like I used to be. It's healing, finally.
So I bet you're wondering why Chipmunk Races? Well, I'll tell you: Went on a bike ride yesterday from here, up the hill, to back home again. It was 52 miles! My bum and knees hurt. My face is sunburnt (is that a word?) and I'm tiiiiirrrrreeeeddd.
There were two incidents with chipmunks that made me laugh: sitting on the side of the road, they would run their fool heads off -- as fast as they could -- for about 20 feet when I came along side them! I loved it. Raced with a bird once (in a car), but this took the cake! Also saw two mule dear from about 3 feet away, as well as a wild turkey, same distance. I love nature!
(note: Monday morning, I posted this from bed, because my a$$ feels like it's going to fall off!).
Although a good point was when I realized that I loved M.W. -- still do -- but that I'm not "in love" like I used to be. It's healing, finally.
So I bet you're wondering why Chipmunk Races? Well, I'll tell you: Went on a bike ride yesterday from here, up the hill, to back home again. It was 52 miles! My bum and knees hurt. My face is sunburnt (is that a word?) and I'm tiiiiirrrrreeeeddd.
There were two incidents with chipmunks that made me laugh: sitting on the side of the road, they would run their fool heads off -- as fast as they could -- for about 20 feet when I came along side them! I loved it. Raced with a bird once (in a car), but this took the cake! Also saw two mule dear from about 3 feet away, as well as a wild turkey, same distance. I love nature!
(note: Monday morning, I posted this from bed, because my a$$ feels like it's going to fall off!).
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Officially Bad
Yes it's true... I am now a bad person. [insert frowny face here]
Why, you ask? Because I met a rare person - Kilo, a physical soul mate. LOL. Sounds funny, eh? He is what I wanted, needed, to be happy, to forget about everything else... you know. Any excuse works.
So he's 12 years younger than me and desperately wanted a "relationship", as he is still nursing a heart-break as a jilted groom last year. I was going to meet him on Saturday because I liked him for his 6'3" frame, red-blonde hair, and muscles. I was going to meet him because he was incredibly smart for his age, and incredibly experienced in the art of wooing, and because he said everything that I wanted to hear.
But he wanted a relationship. He is not even out of college yet.
As much as I thought I wanted an "instant" relationship with all the trimmings.... I don't. IT NEEDS TO BE RIGHT. I told all of this to my Guardian Angel last night, who promptly whipped my morals back into shape and encouraged me to write an email to cancel the date (even gave a few suggested lines).
Perhaps I'm not that bad afterall? I was praying all afternoon about how bad I felt about this... just needed to confide in GA, who could help me focus for a minute.
Bad thing #2:
Walked by a homeless person who was "sleeping" in the grass, on my way to lunch. On my way back from lunch, the paramedics where "wheeling" him into the "ambulance". Not sure if he was dead or alive. Bad Dog, Dorothy!
Thanks Jesus, for Duckies... and Guardian Angles (even the human variety)...
Dot.
Why, you ask? Because I met a rare person - Kilo, a physical soul mate. LOL. Sounds funny, eh? He is what I wanted, needed, to be happy, to forget about everything else... you know. Any excuse works.
So he's 12 years younger than me and desperately wanted a "relationship", as he is still nursing a heart-break as a jilted groom last year. I was going to meet him on Saturday because I liked him for his 6'3" frame, red-blonde hair, and muscles. I was going to meet him because he was incredibly smart for his age, and incredibly experienced in the art of wooing, and because he said everything that I wanted to hear.
But he wanted a relationship. He is not even out of college yet.
As much as I thought I wanted an "instant" relationship with all the trimmings.... I don't. IT NEEDS TO BE RIGHT. I told all of this to my Guardian Angel last night, who promptly whipped my morals back into shape and encouraged me to write an email to cancel the date (even gave a few suggested lines).
Perhaps I'm not that bad afterall? I was praying all afternoon about how bad I felt about this... just needed to confide in GA, who could help me focus for a minute.
Bad thing #2:
Walked by a homeless person who was "sleeping" in the grass, on my way to lunch. On my way back from lunch, the paramedics where "wheeling" him into the "ambulance". Not sure if he was dead or alive. Bad Dog, Dorothy!
Thanks Jesus, for Duckies... and Guardian Angles (even the human variety)...
Dot.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
His First Date Debrief
M.W. went out on his first date today. He sounded so hopeful and excited. I remember when he felt that way about me. Didn't let a second go by without letting me know how much he liked me, was thinking about me. I miss it. I miss him terribly.
But for her sake, it frightens me because she's not too much older than me, and unless she has different goals for her life, she'll end up heart-broken too.
Come to think of it, if M.W. decided that he wanted kids with someone else (because that was one of our "deal-breakers")... I would seriously lose some respect for his honesty in our relationship.
----
Be that as it may. I'm starting to have doubts that Redneck will even call me again... so I've taken steps this week to possibly see the Norwegian for coffee. I've got two more lunch dates -- one for real and one tentative with two different guys. But I'm not interested in either "Kilo" (the real one) or Other Old Guy (OOG, the tentative one), so we'll see what happens.
But for her sake, it frightens me because she's not too much older than me, and unless she has different goals for her life, she'll end up heart-broken too.
Come to think of it, if M.W. decided that he wanted kids with someone else (because that was one of our "deal-breakers")... I would seriously lose some respect for his honesty in our relationship.
----
Be that as it may. I'm starting to have doubts that Redneck will even call me again... so I've taken steps this week to possibly see the Norwegian for coffee. I've got two more lunch dates -- one for real and one tentative with two different guys. But I'm not interested in either "Kilo" (the real one) or Other Old Guy (OOG, the tentative one), so we'll see what happens.
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