Don't try this at home, kids....

At least not without adult supervision..

1) Fall in love
2) Eat Crackers in bed (your mate might hurt you for it)
3) Put all of your love into one basket
4) Chew gum in bed (unless you want to wake up with gummy hair)
5) Trust another person to not hurt your heart, when you've bared your soul to them
6) Eat Popsicles outdoors, when the temperature is below freezing (think Flagpole)

I've had one f-ing hell of a day and I can't stop crying. Sure, sure, it's work stuff. But if home were really a place that existed outside of my figment of imagination... my mood would be greatly improved.

The thing that scares me about having put in for a job that is far from here... is that even more of my love will go into that basket of eggs previously mentioned. Know what happens if the eggs crack? Egg on my face, egg on my head, egg in my hair.... I end up looking, feeling, smelling, acting... like a fool.

Just Hangin' Around

I was watching Sex and the City tonight. Charlotte is my favorite character. Not just because she is adorable and fit... but she is so incredibly naive.

It was the episode where she had converted to Judaism because he boyfriend would not get more seirous about her unless she was Jewish. She then started throwing it in his face "I gave up Christ for you... the least you could do is take the garbage out!" and the like.

Then it hit me: perhaps the reason why M.W. is not playing by the same guidelines as me, is because he does not eventually want me to say (or even feel, subcutaneously) "I moved to California for you... the least you could do is let us have Italian tonight." or "I moved all the way here and gave up a great job... and you won't even consider starting a family with me. What's up with that?"

It makes perfect sense. But then where do we get off not going forth with our collective futures? My tacit threat has been that there will come a day when I will move forward with my future -- together or alone. That's a pretty ugly statement, but the truth is that both M.W. and I need that to be the case, so that neither of us are in need, no one is dependent... that we are together because we want to be together....

Until that time, until all of the parts of the puzzle have been satisfied.... This Taela Brown will be hanging around, waiting for Louis Wu.

If I could have anything on Planet Earth....

These are my wishes:

1) To have a family. Starting with MW, ending with Z, O, X and Julie.
2) To get my CCM
3) Work out of my living room with MW
4) Work only part time, because all of my spare time is spent learning to sing
5) Well, to sing better.
6) Because I would love to sing with Chris Rice, for a living.

Anyways, I could wish to be 20 lbs thinner, or I could wish for more shoes... but that really makes no impact on the rest of the world.

Life means so much.... and I intend to make the most of every minute that I have been given.

What am I doing here?

About every 5 or 6 months, I come here and wonder "What the hell am I doing with my life?" My heart is splayed open and my wounds are raw, and I am so not happy with where I am.

Yes, yes, I know... Patience, says the grasshoppah. It's hard to be patient when everyone else gets to participate in life, and you are always stuck on the sidelines... holding a smelly trashbag, yet.

Just smile and know your purpose...
Daddy told me the funniest thing tonight, when I lamented people at my jobsite are such know-it-all pains in the ass. He said to let them screw me over, tell me what to do... and smile. Because, as we all know, God has a divine purpose in us.

So what does that have to do? Because when he is proved right, Daddy just smiles and knows that he was right, and that is good enough for him. Oh... he likes to rub their noses in it... but subtle... very subtle.

Less than Nothing

Something which I hate, vehemently, is corporate rhetoric and bureaucracy. All of the "fat cats" sacheting around the office, patting eachother on the back and glad-handing the employees. I never want to be that kind of manager. I never will be that kind of manager -- you know what I'm talking about... the kind that treats the employee like dirt underneat their feet.

Sure, there is a certain caste system that goes along with my job. I'm amongst a group of highly trained techno-geeks. We know everything there is to know about our topic of interest. And therefore, our lack of interest in the social structure at the office, puts those of us who don't pay that much attention to it, at an extreme disadvantage.

Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter... when you come close to selling out; Reconsider.
Yessssss, Lee Ann Womack hopes that we dance. I hope that I dance. I was going to say that I would dance on someone's grave... but that ain't nice... so I won't say it.

The only thing that would make my office more of a boy's club, is if it said "No girlz allowed!" on the front door. And if you gave everyone a smelly cigar. Bleh.

I heard the other day, that women are not as successful as men in the business world, because they get tired and they stay at home to raise kids and the like. Guess what? No way in Hell can I keep up with M.W. He's got more energy than two of me, even on a good day...

But I can love him better, stronger, faster, more, than he can love me.... and that's all I really care about today.