She is on her honeymoon. The ink's barely dried on her divorce papers (okay, it's been probably 8 months since her divorce, 23 months since her separation), and she's taken up with M.W.'s [former] best friend, newly married [in what I imagine was a gaudy and completely common wedding, without a lick of originality, and lots of white roses and pomp and tawdry details, with all of her friends who pretend to like her because she's nice to their faces, but she's really a shrew in a nurse's uniform] on a Mediterranean Cruise. The bitch. That's not why I hate her today.
Today... her son and his new wife are moving out of her house, and into their first apartment as a married couple. All of the way from the sunny cruise, she called to make sure that Kiki knew that if I were present to help move... I was not allowed into the house.
Come again? Yes, she said that if I came over to help the Newlyweds, I could not enter her ugly-ass house. (No, I'm not being spiteful... it's an ugly design, adding in the poorly applied "faux" paint finish and the pansy-tapestried club chairs with ruffles at the bottom... Sally's house is frighteningly "keep-up-with-the-Jones-ish" and even moreso "I don't have an eye for decorating, so I copy my girlfriends, so we can all have matching HOUSES in MATCHING SUBURBS and we can all eat MEAT AND POTATOES EVERY NIGHT BECAUSE WE ARE ORDINARY... but not just ORDINARY ordinary... WE're SNOBS about it!")
Okay... I'm a little more than pissed at her today, and I'm a little more than hurt that she should tell her daughter not to let me in the house. Because Kiki would let me in the house... but she also did just what her mom wanted her to do -- tell me that I'm not "supposed" to.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Friday, October 14, 2005
Sad Music
Patty Griffin's Rain used to be my fave song ever.... I probably posted it in my blog back in 2003, when I started my ickle puppy. It made me cry every time I heard it, because I was hurting inside and all.
It doesn't make me cry anymore....
It doesn't make me cry anymore....
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Rock <-- Me --> Hard Place
I hate being an intelligent adult. STOMP.
I hate understanding someone else's side of the story and still wanting what I want! STOMP
I hate Money. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP!
(for a list of items that cost more than doing the right thing, and less than $1,000, click here, and enter my email address (if you don't know it... you're outta luck!)).
On another note... [M.W. and] I have signed up for another walk... the breast cancer walk for the Camerican Cancer Society in a few weeks. It is meaningful to me when we make plans and keep them -- sounds funny, but he's always so busy, his time is a premium. So this little bit of time is what I end up looking forward to, all month.
At least I am trying to do some good toward the remainder of the universe. Whether it's together or alone, I'm doing some good. And getting to know myself better. That should come in handy some day.
-- Dot.
I hate understanding someone else's side of the story and still wanting what I want! STOMP
I hate Money. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP!
(for a list of items that cost more than doing the right thing, and less than $1,000, click here, and enter my email address (if you don't know it... you're outta luck!)).
On another note... [M.W. and] I have signed up for another walk... the breast cancer walk for the Camerican Cancer Society in a few weeks. It is meaningful to me when we make plans and keep them -- sounds funny, but he's always so busy, his time is a premium. So this little bit of time is what I end up looking forward to, all month.
At least I am trying to do some good toward the remainder of the universe. Whether it's together or alone, I'm doing some good. And getting to know myself better. That should come in handy some day.
-- Dot.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Cherish the Life....
Only two short years ago, I had this big fight with what is now my ex. He threatened my safey, he threatened my life! I used to sit in my bedroom and hope that he would have a traffic accident on the way home from work.... maybe someone tragic would harm him before he arrived.... or.... what would happen if ... could I....?
We swore and cursed at eachother. Sometimes I hit his arms and chest in anger. He often shoved me against a wall, or onto the bed or floor. He would hold me down and I kicked him. He screamed into my face and told me that I made him hate his life, made him want to kill himself. Even while I hated him, my heart was dying. It became a cold black lump of tar before I left.
I left 23 months and 3 weeks ago. Because the incident happened exactly two years ago today. And exactly two years ago today, I decided to leave.
All of the doctors and therapists told me that it would take two years to get over the divorce. I thought that they were insane! I was fine... look at me! ... now, two years later, I think it took just this long to wind down. The dealing with it part has come in stages.
But after spending a luxuriously long weekend with M.W., I felt encouraged that my life is advancing slow enough for me to keep up with it, and almost fast enough to keep me from being annoyed :) ...
His separation happened in the same week as mine, although they were unrelated. In an email then a phone call that ended up changing our lives, we were there for eachother. I had always been afraid that we were just commiserating all of this time... that when we felt appropriately healed, that we may've just let the other slip away... instead, I found a best friend, a partner in business, in work, in happiness.... in life. I've found inspiration and a way to cherish my life once again....
We swore and cursed at eachother. Sometimes I hit his arms and chest in anger. He often shoved me against a wall, or onto the bed or floor. He would hold me down and I kicked him. He screamed into my face and told me that I made him hate his life, made him want to kill himself. Even while I hated him, my heart was dying. It became a cold black lump of tar before I left.
I left 23 months and 3 weeks ago. Because the incident happened exactly two years ago today. And exactly two years ago today, I decided to leave.
All of the doctors and therapists told me that it would take two years to get over the divorce. I thought that they were insane! I was fine... look at me! ... now, two years later, I think it took just this long to wind down. The dealing with it part has come in stages.
But after spending a luxuriously long weekend with M.W., I felt encouraged that my life is advancing slow enough for me to keep up with it, and almost fast enough to keep me from being annoyed :) ...
His separation happened in the same week as mine, although they were unrelated. In an email then a phone call that ended up changing our lives, we were there for eachother. I had always been afraid that we were just commiserating all of this time... that when we felt appropriately healed, that we may've just let the other slip away... instead, I found a best friend, a partner in business, in work, in happiness.... in life. I've found inspiration and a way to cherish my life once again....
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
How do I Hate Thee?
At this point, I'm not sure if I hate her or myself more.
It all started years ago when I learned about spying on people on the internet. Google anyone's name, and you can find out tons about them. Now I've learned something I should not Google: my boyfriend's ex-wife.
I mean, it was simple enough. I know her name, I know she's getting married on Saturday. And I'm a snoop. Hey, public domain, eh? What's free can't hurt me right?
Well I'm here to tell you that it can. For one, she seemed to be the coldest and most heartless person on the planet. Guess everyone gets that way when they're not happy on the inside. So she gets a point. Next, she finds someone, settled down with him right away, seems like a match made in heaven, and she's marrying him. Another point. Well, half a point, because she's now going to be a grandparent. Hehehe. They travel, they still go to M.W.'s church, and act like no big deal.
So there she is, a point and a half ahead of me in this game, and I'm still feeling badly, even though I never did anything to warrant that. And I went off (again) about something I didn't have anything to do with, can't control, and... yes, I hate myself the most, because I looked.
Bad Dorothy :-(
It all started years ago when I learned about spying on people on the internet. Google anyone's name, and you can find out tons about them. Now I've learned something I should not Google: my boyfriend's ex-wife.
I mean, it was simple enough. I know her name, I know she's getting married on Saturday. And I'm a snoop. Hey, public domain, eh? What's free can't hurt me right?
Well I'm here to tell you that it can. For one, she seemed to be the coldest and most heartless person on the planet. Guess everyone gets that way when they're not happy on the inside. So she gets a point. Next, she finds someone, settled down with him right away, seems like a match made in heaven, and she's marrying him. Another point. Well, half a point, because she's now going to be a grandparent. Hehehe. They travel, they still go to M.W.'s church, and act like no big deal.
So there she is, a point and a half ahead of me in this game, and I'm still feeling badly, even though I never did anything to warrant that. And I went off (again) about something I didn't have anything to do with, can't control, and... yes, I hate myself the most, because I looked.
Bad Dorothy :-(
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