Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
T minus Three Days and Counting...
It's the first of the last nights that I will have to work, ever. I'm tired, I've been packing for 3 days, and I'm not sure if it will all get done on time.
In the past, I've joked that you get to a certain point in the packing, where you could just decide to say "screw it" and take a scoop shovel and empty the remainder of your belongings into a dumpster. I'm not quite there yet.
In moving, the executive decision was reached to give away the lions share of my belongings, and start afresh, in the Golden State. Reason being, that it was going to be more expensiver (hi jayleigh!) to move everything, than those things cost in the first place!!! So I was trying to sell things, now I'm trying to give them away. Today I found my wedding gown. It wasn't even hard to not look at it. I put it in the Goodwill pile.
Somehow, I can't seem to leave the wedding album behind. Although I have not looked at it in over a year... today my therapist mentioned that it is part of "my story" and someday, I may regret not seeing myself as a young and beautiful woman... I may miss seeing my folks when they were dressed beautifully, and especially seeing my idealistic self. Full of expectations and hope. Full of anticipation and ideas. Full of anxiety and completely terrified. Of what I was afraid would happen if I wasn't a "good girl" and of what did happen, even though I was.
So my story stays but the trappings of my wedding will finally go. Along with many of the clothes that I owned when I was married. And gifts that although I really loved them, I will part with, because they were from him. And furniture. And shoes. And thoughts, feelings, and memories that although long dormant, I have not forgotton in the two places I've lived since divorcing nearly a year ago.
M.W. and I have talked at length about the ways in which one grieves at the loss of a relationship. He grieved little after his divorce. I still grieve. Not for him... but for the fact that I could not, no matter how hard I tried, keep the relationship from failing. Because I don't want him back. But I'm still mad that I had to go through all of that.
But I'm not mad that I am moving to California on Friday. I'm not mad that I'm living my dream, taking my future by the b@lls, and making the most of everything I have!
In the past, I've joked that you get to a certain point in the packing, where you could just decide to say "screw it" and take a scoop shovel and empty the remainder of your belongings into a dumpster. I'm not quite there yet.
In moving, the executive decision was reached to give away the lions share of my belongings, and start afresh, in the Golden State. Reason being, that it was going to be more expensiver (hi jayleigh!) to move everything, than those things cost in the first place!!! So I was trying to sell things, now I'm trying to give them away. Today I found my wedding gown. It wasn't even hard to not look at it. I put it in the Goodwill pile.
Somehow, I can't seem to leave the wedding album behind. Although I have not looked at it in over a year... today my therapist mentioned that it is part of "my story" and someday, I may regret not seeing myself as a young and beautiful woman... I may miss seeing my folks when they were dressed beautifully, and especially seeing my idealistic self. Full of expectations and hope. Full of anticipation and ideas. Full of anxiety and completely terrified. Of what I was afraid would happen if I wasn't a "good girl" and of what did happen, even though I was.
So my story stays but the trappings of my wedding will finally go. Along with many of the clothes that I owned when I was married. And gifts that although I really loved them, I will part with, because they were from him. And furniture. And shoes. And thoughts, feelings, and memories that although long dormant, I have not forgotton in the two places I've lived since divorcing nearly a year ago.
M.W. and I have talked at length about the ways in which one grieves at the loss of a relationship. He grieved little after his divorce. I still grieve. Not for him... but for the fact that I could not, no matter how hard I tried, keep the relationship from failing. Because I don't want him back. But I'm still mad that I had to go through all of that.
But I'm not mad that I am moving to California on Friday. I'm not mad that I'm living my dream, taking my future by the b@lls, and making the most of everything I have!
Monday, July 11, 2005
The Last Week
Well, somebody noticed that I ain't been postin'. Guess why? Because I'm moving to Cali on Friday!!!! Wahoo! Career-type job, great location, and nearer to my sweetie!
I'm a little fed up with packing, as given by the photog below.
The Last Day
Yesterday was a day to see old friend and school-mates here in Oklahoma. Three meals and I only paid for one of them. Breakfast, Lunch and Dessert. No, not dinner... but at least it started with a "D". It was at dinner time, too.
Today, I said goodbye to my friends from LifeChurch.tv... I'm gonna miss them more than they will ever know. It wasn't the goodbye that sucked. But knowing that there is always a place in God's family that I, Dorothy, actually feels comfortable.
The Next Day
M.W. is flapping his wings all the way to DEN this weekend, to help me drive my crap out to my new home in the Valley. I'm going to swing by the aeropuerto on my way through town, and then beat feet west.
Go West Young (wo)Man!!!!
Hahaha... Lalala... Hehehe... Me me me!!!
I'm a little fed up with packing, as given by the photog below.
The Last Day
Yesterday was a day to see old friend and school-mates here in Oklahoma. Three meals and I only paid for one of them. Breakfast, Lunch and Dessert. No, not dinner... but at least it started with a "D". It was at dinner time, too.
Today, I said goodbye to my friends from LifeChurch.tv... I'm gonna miss them more than they will ever know. It wasn't the goodbye that sucked. But knowing that there is always a place in God's family that I, Dorothy, actually feels comfortable.
The Next Day
M.W. is flapping his wings all the way to DEN this weekend, to help me drive my crap out to my new home in the Valley. I'm going to swing by the aeropuerto on my way through town, and then beat feet west.
Go West Young (wo)Man!!!!
Hahaha... Lalala... Hehehe... Me me me!!!
BoxHenge
Swear to me that you will never tell a single soul, that I did this last night when I was so tired and slap-happy from packing. SWEAR IT!
Monday, July 04, 2005
On the perils of being ½ of an egg, which produced two Alpha Females
Not that I’m complaining at all about being or not being the queen of my domain. But when a queen changes domain, she has to deal with the fact that her former domain has a new queen… ya know? So my twinnie-pooh is the same way, and she also doesn’t particularly realize that when the former queen comes home, there will be trouble.
Why? That’s easy. Because old-queen and new-queen have different ways of doing things, different ways of seeing things, and most especially, different opinions about the way the world works. Old queen knows of things far and wide, and wants to open new queen up to the whole way the world works. New queen knows of family and responsibility, and of what it means to play by the rules, do what is expected of you, and make a fun night not of fancy restaurants and bottles of wine and trips far and away… but of hotdogs, hometowns, and life-long friends.
Two alpha females, and two modes of operation… two versions of mechanics on which the earth spins…
Why? That’s easy. Because old-queen and new-queen have different ways of doing things, different ways of seeing things, and most especially, different opinions about the way the world works. Old queen knows of things far and wide, and wants to open new queen up to the whole way the world works. New queen knows of family and responsibility, and of what it means to play by the rules, do what is expected of you, and make a fun night not of fancy restaurants and bottles of wine and trips far and away… but of hotdogs, hometowns, and life-long friends.
Two alpha females, and two modes of operation… two versions of mechanics on which the earth spins…
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