Dzihan & Kamien...

They have a trancey tune called "Smile" which I love to veg-out to. I've known it only for about 4 years. However it reminded me, as I was listening to it just now... about this pizza joint that was on my way home from work when I lived in Detroit.

The name of the place was Fat Tuesday, but they were sued over the name, and consequently renamed themselves "Fatty's" later on. It was a gross name, but their pizza, salads, pastas and subs were phenominal.

Detroit was the first time I lived more than a few minutes from Home. While it afforded me the opportunity to finish college and get away and start my life, my way... it also hindered me in a way I never expected: my ex and I had only been married for a couple of years and this was his first job out of college. He became terribly depressed and was always sleeping, eating, and spending money we didn't have.

Looking back, I see that my only defense at the time was that I also spent our free cash, just so that he wouldn't get it. His shorting our income made me greedy to do the same thing -- because if we ever had free cash and he knew about it, then he would end up pouting until I allowed him to spend it on something for himself.

The new book I'm reading, called "Not Your Mother's Divorce" is helping me to realize how young I was back then, and how I didn't really know what I was getting into. But then how did our parents know that? They all got married in their 20s.

A Term I Despise:
Starter Marriage.

That was a term used liberally in this new book. I never intended for it to end. That's just the kind of girl I am. So how can they make it seem like it's a first car, or a fixer-upper house? This is my damn life, and my first marriage was a disaster! I don't want anything to begin that way. Certainly not the start of my married life.

So now that I'm single, the only thing to do is mourn my personal losses, get over them and get on with my future.

A future, I might add, which I am very excited about :)

"Family" Ties...

It happened so quickly, I couldn't even stop it. Thank God for giving me the patience to deal with these situations in the past several months.

... Mister Wonderful is so busy these days, rarely available. So there are two very lonely women in his life -- his daughter and myself -- who've taken to occasionally chatting on the phone. Although I thought she was upset with me last week, because I was taking away from her Daddy time (she's 24, but they're very close).

Anyways, Kiki told me that her mom has been asking lots of questions about me. Me, you say? Yes... me. So we chatted lightly about other topics, but I know K is upset because things are growing more serious with MW and me... She told me she doesn't want her mom to remarry because she doesn't need a step-dad. I asked her how she would feel if her dad got remarried. She didn't talk for a long time until I suggested that if he ever did remarry, his wife could be her buddy... no step-mom required. She thought that was really good. I mentioned that I wanted to adopt kids, and how bad I felt for the tsunami orphans. She said her dad was too old to think about having more children, and that he's already got enough. But she also offered to babysit for her brothers and sisters, too.

Perhaps the entire convo was a bit presumptious on my part... but Kiki did offer that she didn't think it would be a good idea for me to attend their church with MW when I'm in town in a couple of weeks -- her mom still attends the church and while she actively brings her boyfriend, K is afriad that her mom won't be very kind to me. So Kiki asked me if I do go to church when I'm in town... that I come to hers.

It's unfortunate that someone as delicate as her feels the need to make everyone get along. But I'm determined to get along with everyone, if only for the sake of her and MW, whom I love. They are more and more like family to me every day. And I am pleased that they treat me the same way, too.

Check Out Our Stuff:

You know those shows... the ones on MTV and E! TV... They're supposed to be like celebrities showing off their homes. And show off they do: opening the fridge to show how much meat was in the freezer. Like "Look how rich we are... we don't worry where our next meal comes from!". It's really off-putting. Just one more reason why LeAnn Rimes is not my favourite person. Like "It's all about me! Look at my clothes! This is where me and my hubby romp! This is our toilet, where we actually pee!".

So the difference between a show where a commentator shows off the celebrities home, versus the one where the celebrity does the showing? Dignity.

Know what? I can't sleep, and I want fried food. Chicken wingies.

Whoop-Te-Doo:

1) Mint Hershey's Kisses -- for obvious reasons.

2) Mint M&Ms -- ditto.

3) My self esteem -- So I saw this job today.... and the cards are stacked against me because I might not be what they want. At the same time... I want this job. Enough to really, actually try for it. Mister Wonderful is worried that I am so psyched up that it'll be a big let-down. But I need to be excited right now and let-downs pass eventually. What I don't want to pass up is the opportunity of a life-time and I know I can convince them that Dorthy is the right girl for the job.

4) Egg-nog Lattes -- um, hello. It's egg-nog. 'Nuff said.

5) Mister Wonderful -- he's supportive, loving, and I just adore dreaming and scheming with him. He's my best friend and biggest advocate. He's the one I hope I impress, and the one I fear that I let down. Partner, and best friend. Someday, I hope we live in the same neighborhood.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

My long-time friend Bryan called today. Well... he was a friend for a long time before he started the alleged "availibility checks". They started two years ago, almost to the day. I declined then, and I declined now.

But that's not the point of my entry here. It's that until the checks began, and even now, Bryan has been one of the most constant sources of rational advice in my life. Sure it's a little dicey taking advice from someone I trust little. But taken with a grain of salt, even a piece of liver is palatable and probably even good for you. Eh?

So anyways, B asked me all about taking Mister Wonderful home to meet my folks. He wanted to know how everyone acted, and how I felt about the relationship itself (incidentally, that is the manner which he always seemed to insert the avail. check in the past -- wait until I mentioned probs in the relationship, and then make his move).

Oddly enough, this is the first time in recent history that I have had so much respect for my relationship that I didn't share problems, complain, or otherwise seek "help" with issues. Mister Wonderful is so meaningful to me, he is the first person in forever that I have wanted to keep my relationship private with.

To be sure... I've pretty much always felt like this about him. But the previous marriage was a totally different deal -- I was so unhappy I was practically screaming it from the rafters. In fact, that is the way that Bryan and I became friends in the first place. We talked because of work, but continued conversations because of my miserable life and seeing out help to get away from it. For many years Bryan assisted me in rational thought regarding leaving, staying, and making sure that I was just plain taking care of my own mental issues.

It wasn't really a shock that he came sniffing around today. He has always made it plain and clear that he likes to look for "fun" without getting emotionally involved. Even though I never really trusted myself in the past, in situations where I might get into trouble... I know where my heart lies. I know that this situation, this man, is not for me.

And that's why I have always, and will always continue to deny his advances. It's about respecting myself. And for the first time ever, my relationship.