It happened so quickly, I couldn't even stop it. Thank God for giving me the patience to deal with these situations in the past several months.
... Mister Wonderful is so busy these days, rarely available. So there are two very lonely women in his life -- his daughter and myself -- who've taken to occasionally chatting on the phone. Although I thought she was upset with me last week, because I was taking away from her Daddy time (she's 24, but they're very close).
Anyways, Kiki told me that her mom has been asking lots of questions about me. Me, you say? Yes... me. So we chatted lightly about other topics, but I know K is upset because things are growing more serious with MW and me... She told me she doesn't want her mom to remarry because she doesn't need a step-dad. I asked her how she would feel if her dad got remarried. She didn't talk for a long time until I suggested that if he ever did remarry, his wife could be her buddy... no step-mom required. She thought that was really good. I mentioned that I wanted to adopt kids, and how bad I felt for the tsunami orphans. She said her dad was too old to think about having more children, and that he's already got enough. But she also offered to babysit for her brothers and sisters, too.
Perhaps the entire convo was a bit presumptious on my part... but Kiki did offer that she didn't think it would be a good idea for me to attend their church with MW when I'm in town in a couple of weeks -- her mom still attends the church and while she actively brings her boyfriend, K is afriad that her mom won't be very kind to me. So Kiki asked me if I do go to church when I'm in town... that I come to hers.
It's unfortunate that someone as delicate as her feels the need to make everyone get along. But I'm determined to get along with everyone, if only for the sake of her and MW, whom I love. They are more and more like family to me every day. And I am pleased that they treat me the same way, too.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Check Out Our Stuff:
You know those shows... the ones on MTV and E! TV... They're supposed to be like celebrities showing off their homes. And show off they do: opening the fridge to show how much meat was in the freezer. Like "Look how rich we are... we don't worry where our next meal comes from!". It's really off-putting. Just one more reason why LeAnn Rimes is not my favourite person. Like "It's all about me! Look at my clothes! This is where me and my hubby romp! This is our toilet, where we actually pee!".
So the difference between a show where a commentator shows off the celebrities home, versus the one where the celebrity does the showing? Dignity.
Know what? I can't sleep, and I want fried food. Chicken wingies.
So the difference between a show where a commentator shows off the celebrities home, versus the one where the celebrity does the showing? Dignity.
Know what? I can't sleep, and I want fried food. Chicken wingies.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Whoop-Te-Doo:
1) Mint Hershey's Kisses -- for obvious reasons.
2) Mint M&Ms -- ditto.
3) My self esteem -- So I saw this job today.... and the cards are stacked against me because I might not be what they want. At the same time... I want this job. Enough to really, actually try for it. Mister Wonderful is worried that I am so psyched up that it'll be a big let-down. But I need to be excited right now and let-downs pass eventually. What I don't want to pass up is the opportunity of a life-time and I know I can convince them that Dorthy is the right girl for the job.
4) Egg-nog Lattes -- um, hello. It's egg-nog. 'Nuff said.
5) Mister Wonderful -- he's supportive, loving, and I just adore dreaming and scheming with him. He's my best friend and biggest advocate. He's the one I hope I impress, and the one I fear that I let down. Partner, and best friend. Someday, I hope we live in the same neighborhood.
2) Mint M&Ms -- ditto.
3) My self esteem -- So I saw this job today.... and the cards are stacked against me because I might not be what they want. At the same time... I want this job. Enough to really, actually try for it. Mister Wonderful is worried that I am so psyched up that it'll be a big let-down. But I need to be excited right now and let-downs pass eventually. What I don't want to pass up is the opportunity of a life-time and I know I can convince them that Dorthy is the right girl for the job.
4) Egg-nog Lattes -- um, hello. It's egg-nog. 'Nuff said.
5) Mister Wonderful -- he's supportive, loving, and I just adore dreaming and scheming with him. He's my best friend and biggest advocate. He's the one I hope I impress, and the one I fear that I let down. Partner, and best friend. Someday, I hope we live in the same neighborhood.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
My long-time friend Bryan called today. Well... he was a friend for a long time before he started the alleged "availibility checks". They started two years ago, almost to the day. I declined then, and I declined now.
But that's not the point of my entry here. It's that until the checks began, and even now, Bryan has been one of the most constant sources of rational advice in my life. Sure it's a little dicey taking advice from someone I trust little. But taken with a grain of salt, even a piece of liver is palatable and probably even good for you. Eh?
So anyways, B asked me all about taking Mister Wonderful home to meet my folks. He wanted to know how everyone acted, and how I felt about the relationship itself (incidentally, that is the manner which he always seemed to insert the avail. check in the past -- wait until I mentioned probs in the relationship, and then make his move).
Oddly enough, this is the first time in recent history that I have had so much respect for my relationship that I didn't share problems, complain, or otherwise seek "help" with issues. Mister Wonderful is so meaningful to me, he is the first person in forever that I have wanted to keep my relationship private with.
To be sure... I've pretty much always felt like this about him. But the previous marriage was a totally different deal -- I was so unhappy I was practically screaming it from the rafters. In fact, that is the way that Bryan and I became friends in the first place. We talked because of work, but continued conversations because of my miserable life and seeing out help to get away from it. For many years Bryan assisted me in rational thought regarding leaving, staying, and making sure that I was just plain taking care of my own mental issues.
It wasn't really a shock that he came sniffing around today. He has always made it plain and clear that he likes to look for "fun" without getting emotionally involved. Even though I never really trusted myself in the past, in situations where I might get into trouble... I know where my heart lies. I know that this situation, this man, is not for me.
And that's why I have always, and will always continue to deny his advances. It's about respecting myself. And for the first time ever, my relationship.
But that's not the point of my entry here. It's that until the checks began, and even now, Bryan has been one of the most constant sources of rational advice in my life. Sure it's a little dicey taking advice from someone I trust little. But taken with a grain of salt, even a piece of liver is palatable and probably even good for you. Eh?
So anyways, B asked me all about taking Mister Wonderful home to meet my folks. He wanted to know how everyone acted, and how I felt about the relationship itself (incidentally, that is the manner which he always seemed to insert the avail. check in the past -- wait until I mentioned probs in the relationship, and then make his move).
Oddly enough, this is the first time in recent history that I have had so much respect for my relationship that I didn't share problems, complain, or otherwise seek "help" with issues. Mister Wonderful is so meaningful to me, he is the first person in forever that I have wanted to keep my relationship private with.
To be sure... I've pretty much always felt like this about him. But the previous marriage was a totally different deal -- I was so unhappy I was practically screaming it from the rafters. In fact, that is the way that Bryan and I became friends in the first place. We talked because of work, but continued conversations because of my miserable life and seeing out help to get away from it. For many years Bryan assisted me in rational thought regarding leaving, staying, and making sure that I was just plain taking care of my own mental issues.
It wasn't really a shock that he came sniffing around today. He has always made it plain and clear that he likes to look for "fun" without getting emotionally involved. Even though I never really trusted myself in the past, in situations where I might get into trouble... I know where my heart lies. I know that this situation, this man, is not for me.
And that's why I have always, and will always continue to deny his advances. It's about respecting myself. And for the first time ever, my relationship.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
The Pros of Waiting When I Don't Want To...
Well, it was an adventurous Holiday Season. Taking Mister Wonderful Home to meet the folks, showing him where I grew up and where I went to college, being "normal" with him, being upgraded to First Class on the flight home -- for no extra charge! The folks loved him, the sibs were nice to him, he was a hit with the aunts, the uncles, the little tiny cousins, the big cousins, and the dogs.
Things are going so well, one may wonder what qualms still exist. But some do, for whatever reason. So what have I left to do, but look on the bright side? There has to be a bright side, as a wonderful person is in love with me! Being in love with someone who has a history of being impuslive and rushing into things is a great reason to wait. I know, because he fell in love with me so fast... he was the one who convinced me that it was going to work. Looking at his past, I see points where he went in full-on (I'd have put on the brakes)... Being that straightforward and unapologetic is one of the things about him which I most admire; MW is a personable and successful person who I want to be more like.
When it comes to me, the only thing he holds back on is moving forward. While anyone is my position can't help but feel like they are waiting for a seat on the last life-boat on the Titanic... I see him holding a seat over there for me... Way over there. But there are so many deck chairs in the way, my job currently, feels like it is to rearrange them so I can get to him.
Last night it came to me like a ton of bricks: the reason why we choose the ones we love, is completely independent of anything they can do -- it's just who they are. So it's really dumb of me to think I have to do anything to make him feel more comfortable with choosing me for his partner. Each time it seems we have turned a corner, I realize that his same qualms are probably there -- can he live with my immaturity? my youth? my apparent disorganization?
When those questions are answered, the waiting will be over. In the mean time... my questions -- his age? his indecision? his faults? They are but a banner flapping in the wind, asking "Do ya care?".... Sure I care. It's something which is given consideration each and every day. But my heart gets two votes and my head only one. In some ways I resent anyone who stops long enough to think things out -- how can they not know what they want, where their hearts lie? And do I even want to be associated with someone who is like this? But in long run... I know that the problems the first time around were precipitated because of my heart getting two votes and my head abstaining out of fear of being beaten silly by the flapping, pounding craziness that masqueraded as my heart.
There is a happy medium. And when I find it... I will be happy.
Things are going so well, one may wonder what qualms still exist. But some do, for whatever reason. So what have I left to do, but look on the bright side? There has to be a bright side, as a wonderful person is in love with me! Being in love with someone who has a history of being impuslive and rushing into things is a great reason to wait. I know, because he fell in love with me so fast... he was the one who convinced me that it was going to work. Looking at his past, I see points where he went in full-on (I'd have put on the brakes)... Being that straightforward and unapologetic is one of the things about him which I most admire; MW is a personable and successful person who I want to be more like.
When it comes to me, the only thing he holds back on is moving forward. While anyone is my position can't help but feel like they are waiting for a seat on the last life-boat on the Titanic... I see him holding a seat over there for me... Way over there. But there are so many deck chairs in the way, my job currently, feels like it is to rearrange them so I can get to him.
Last night it came to me like a ton of bricks: the reason why we choose the ones we love, is completely independent of anything they can do -- it's just who they are. So it's really dumb of me to think I have to do anything to make him feel more comfortable with choosing me for his partner. Each time it seems we have turned a corner, I realize that his same qualms are probably there -- can he live with my immaturity? my youth? my apparent disorganization?
When those questions are answered, the waiting will be over. In the mean time... my questions -- his age? his indecision? his faults? They are but a banner flapping in the wind, asking "Do ya care?".... Sure I care. It's something which is given consideration each and every day. But my heart gets two votes and my head only one. In some ways I resent anyone who stops long enough to think things out -- how can they not know what they want, where their hearts lie? And do I even want to be associated with someone who is like this? But in long run... I know that the problems the first time around were precipitated because of my heart getting two votes and my head abstaining out of fear of being beaten silly by the flapping, pounding craziness that masqueraded as my heart.
There is a happy medium. And when I find it... I will be happy.
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