Why oh why do we do this dance of give and take... advance and retreat? Eew. I keep blowing it big time. I'm just gonna edge back into my little rabbit hole and maintain radio silence for the time being.
Somehow I keep thinking things in my life are different. Perhaps I idealize them. And then they shatter, or else a breeze comes along a blows the pipe-dreams away like a whiff of smoke.
There is a reason why I am still here in the middle of nowhere. At least I know I'm somewhere I belong.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Pop Quiz
The following will help you know how well you know me. Give the best possible answer for each question, then tally up your score of correct answers (one point each) and look at the key to see how well you know me.
1) M & M ' s are:
A) The best snak-fud ever.
B) The initials of my favourite AACM.
C) Name of a record store.
D) All of the above
E) None of the Above
2) The Null Hypothesis is:
A) In statistics, the logical outcome of an experiment.
B) The answer to Chebyshev's Theorem.
C) Anything my boyfriend says.
D) A&B
E) A&C
3) My favourite beverages include:
A) coffee, ice cream or tequila.
B) chocolate.
C) worms.
D) All of the above.
E) None of the above.
4) My favourite types of movies are:
A) Action.
B) Reaction.
C) Thrillers (non-alien).
D) Romantic Comedy.
E) Adult Films.
5) I like my sister more than I like my boss.
True or False?
6) I like my boss more than I like worms and frogs.
True or false.
Answers:
1)D 2)E 3)A 4)C 5)True 6)False
Whelp, if ya got 5-6 right, you are either Jayleigh or Mister Wonderful. Anyone else who got that score is clearly telling prevarications. 3-4 right means that you are a good friend, and 1-2 right means that you clicked "Next Blog" and ended up here on a slow day (sorry!)
1) M & M ' s are:
A) The best snak-fud ever.
B) The initials of my favourite AACM.
C) Name of a record store.
D) All of the above
E) None of the Above
2) The Null Hypothesis is:
A) In statistics, the logical outcome of an experiment.
B) The answer to Chebyshev's Theorem.
C) Anything my boyfriend says.
D) A&B
E) A&C
3) My favourite beverages include:
A) coffee, ice cream or tequila.
B) chocolate.
C) worms.
D) All of the above.
E) None of the above.
4) My favourite types of movies are:
A) Action.
B) Reaction.
C) Thrillers (non-alien).
D) Romantic Comedy.
E) Adult Films.
5) I like my sister more than I like my boss.
True or False?
6) I like my boss more than I like worms and frogs.
True or false.
Answers:
1)D 2)E 3)A 4)C 5)True 6)False
Whelp, if ya got 5-6 right, you are either Jayleigh or Mister Wonderful. Anyone else who got that score is clearly telling prevarications. 3-4 right means that you are a good friend, and 1-2 right means that you clicked "Next Blog" and ended up here on a slow day (sorry!)
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Too good to keep to myself
I have been an emotional basket case for a few days and I know it's because of the emotional states I'm going thru after my divorce. So i've done some research because I can't sleep. These are too good to keep to myself. Not sure if you'll get anything out of it yourself but I am finding my way around the way I feel and it's not so bad.
Index Page
http://www.divorceinfo.com/crud.htm
These pages caught my eye:
Grieving -- studies show that it takes two to three years to recover from a divorce.
http://www.divorceinfo.com/grieving.htm
Can't stop crying -- because you are able to cry now, your healing will be more complete later.
http://www.divorceinfo.com/cantstopcrying.htm
A divorce ceremony from the united methodist church (my Home)
http://www.divorceinfo.com/garyturnerservice.htm
Not that I would do this... but it was cathartic to read it.
Forming new romantic relationships -- take it slowly: the failure rate of marriages within two years of either partner's divorce is 85%!
http://www.divorceinfo.com/dating.htm
Divorce Sucks
http://www.divorceinfo.com/divorcestinks.htm
Lonliness
http://www.divorceinfo.com/loneliness.htm
Taking Care of yourself.
http://www.divorceinfo.com/careforself.htm
And finally from Mairrage Builders -- http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html
Scroll to #9, the Policy of Joint Agreement
Index Page
http://www.divorceinfo.com/crud.htm
These pages caught my eye:
Grieving -- studies show that it takes two to three years to recover from a divorce.
http://www.divorceinfo.com/grieving.htm
Can't stop crying -- because you are able to cry now, your healing will be more complete later.
http://www.divorceinfo.com/cantstopcrying.htm
A divorce ceremony from the united methodist church (my Home)
http://www.divorceinfo.com/garyturnerservice.htm
Not that I would do this... but it was cathartic to read it.
Forming new romantic relationships -- take it slowly: the failure rate of marriages within two years of either partner's divorce is 85%!
http://www.divorceinfo.com/dating.htm
Divorce Sucks
http://www.divorceinfo.com/divorcestinks.htm
Lonliness
http://www.divorceinfo.com/loneliness.htm
Taking Care of yourself.
http://www.divorceinfo.com/careforself.htm
And finally from Mairrage Builders -- http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html
Scroll to #9, the Policy of Joint Agreement
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Rule Number 1: I am unique; I am enough.
I just did the hardest thing I've done all year. No, even leaving my ex wasn't this hard. It was telling Mister Wonderful that I need space. This paradox is maddening because there is nothing on Earth that I want more than to be with him. But the more I want to be with him the less attractive my presence is to him.
All week, I've been on the verge of picking a fight, saying "go to hell" and steeping in my misery. But for the first time, I feel like that might be childish, and that this relationship is actually meaningful and important enough for me to get my $hi7 together and act like a well-adjusted adult (for a change).
You'd think that I would have myself together and feel like I was enough... but in truth I am a crying little baby inside. Afraid to do what I want to, and afraid that my staying here and doing nothing will "waste" a chance to have it all.... My strongest impulse is to take M.W. by the lapels and scream "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT WE HAVE? WHY ARE YOU WASTING TIME!" But alas, I cannot. Anyways, if I did, he say either "I don't know" or "let's wait and see"...
This is all my fault
Do not make the mistake and think that there is something wrong with him. This is not his problem; it's mine. Honestly, I feel like my future is so close and I can practically taste it. But the more I reach for it, the more it backs away. I hate being teased and this is the worst kind of torture one can imagine.
So, I said that I need space. But what does space mean? It means that I'm done reaching. Actually I'm sitting here at work trying not to cry. It sucks. But even though I have some free time and normally call M.W... and even if he wanted to hear from me... I would not call.
Destroyed by Desire
While I won't prevent him from calling me and in fact, welcome it... I would rather chop off my hand and slowly bleed to death than hear him hesitate when I ask about the future. So when he is ready, he will come back.
Ironically, he was the one who convinced me so many months ago, that we could actually work., that we would make the best partners, the best family together. Now I'm ready and he's not.
Cruel fate.
Faith First
I have faith that if I calm down, get my life back together, things might just work out. But I'm going to kill myself by guess how to make him happy, unless I focus on me and quit worrying about us.
All week, I've been on the verge of picking a fight, saying "go to hell" and steeping in my misery. But for the first time, I feel like that might be childish, and that this relationship is actually meaningful and important enough for me to get my $hi7 together and act like a well-adjusted adult (for a change).
You'd think that I would have myself together and feel like I was enough... but in truth I am a crying little baby inside. Afraid to do what I want to, and afraid that my staying here and doing nothing will "waste" a chance to have it all.... My strongest impulse is to take M.W. by the lapels and scream "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT WE HAVE? WHY ARE YOU WASTING TIME!" But alas, I cannot. Anyways, if I did, he say either "I don't know" or "let's wait and see"...
This is all my fault
Do not make the mistake and think that there is something wrong with him. This is not his problem; it's mine. Honestly, I feel like my future is so close and I can practically taste it. But the more I reach for it, the more it backs away. I hate being teased and this is the worst kind of torture one can imagine.
So, I said that I need space. But what does space mean? It means that I'm done reaching. Actually I'm sitting here at work trying not to cry. It sucks. But even though I have some free time and normally call M.W... and even if he wanted to hear from me... I would not call.
Destroyed by Desire
While I won't prevent him from calling me and in fact, welcome it... I would rather chop off my hand and slowly bleed to death than hear him hesitate when I ask about the future. So when he is ready, he will come back.
Ironically, he was the one who convinced me so many months ago, that we could actually work., that we would make the best partners, the best family together. Now I'm ready and he's not.
Cruel fate.
Faith First
I have faith that if I calm down, get my life back together, things might just work out. But I'm going to kill myself by guess how to make him happy, unless I focus on me and quit worrying about us.
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