Last week, I went to see Mel Gibson's Passion. It was a good movie (my opinion), however the guy with whom I went (a coworker) thought it was a date -- treated it like a date -- while I did not. Weirdness. Check this: after the movie was over (we were both on nights last week and watched a matinee on our days off), we stood outside the theatre chatting with his son (age 23) and his girlfriend.... my coworker said to me... "Is that really the colour of your eyes, or are you wearing colour contacts?" Um... I whipped off my eye-glasses and said "What do you think?" LOL. ROTFL. ROTLMAO. Mom got a real kick out of it.
Today at church, a complete stranger came up to me and started making small-talk. I guess I should be starting to expect that although I appear as a single woman (took the ol' diamond off, as it symbolized a committment that is dead to me), and available at that... that I don't feel real comfy with all of the extra attention. The guy was a part of the band, and looked the part. So chatting about coffee (they serve Starbucks!) was a little obvious. But it gave me a grin. Guess thankfulness for the attention should be the attitude of choice... it's just so hard to remember that some people really put themselves out there to get your attention -- at this point, I'm standing back, taking it all in, and feeling flattered. [blushing] Boys like me.
[singing] I must take a trip to California, and leave my poor sweetheart alone...
Okay, I'm leaving no one alone. It's the 2nd verse to "How much is that Doggy in the Window"... ain't-cha all enlightened-like now? Yah. 13 days until the big trip. On the list to meet for the first time, is a gentleman who boasts knowing me for 4 years, a former client, and someone who's given me timeless and great advice over that period of time. Next, is the dude who, along with my friend and mentor with whom I will be reaquainted, were responsible for the text and pictures of my favourite textbook of all time.
I hate Radio
It's true. Been downloading my share of 50 free songs tonight, from Emusic (click to get your 50 free too)... and listening to the radio, of all things. I've heard one of the same songs, three damn times since I sat down. Can you imagine the kinds of schmucks who listen to what the radio station wants them to hear, without exploring on their own? 's a shame... a damn cryin' shame.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Friday, March 05, 2004
Take me out to the ball-game....
Went with my bosses to the college game tonight. It was cold. I think my toes are still frozen solid. I need a stiff drink to warm them up.
The Line is Drawn
But I needed the company. My former spouse decided to take the necessary legal action required to claim his firearms from lockup at the Po-po station.
And Quartered
On my break this week, I am going to find out how to file for divorce, and then file for divorce. My time-frame is probably optimistic, but I deserve to believe that it won't be that hard... at least for right now.
I want Chocolate!
I just do. Don't you want co-co-late when you're feeling shitty about life? Hmm.
The Line is Drawn
But I needed the company. My former spouse decided to take the necessary legal action required to claim his firearms from lockup at the Po-po station.
And Quartered
On my break this week, I am going to find out how to file for divorce, and then file for divorce. My time-frame is probably optimistic, but I deserve to believe that it won't be that hard... at least for right now.
I want Chocolate!
I just do. Don't you want co-co-late when you're feeling shitty about life? Hmm.
OMG! or, Taking Back the Night
I just emptied my guts here and the Blog-Monster ATE MY WORDS!
Let me reiterate in short form:
1) I can't sleep
2) it's 80 degrees in my apartment -- can't wait to see what summer is like!
3) I had a weird Matrix-like dream about a friend on whom I used to have a crush. In that dream, everything happened that anyone would ever want. And in that dream lots of bad stuff happened afterward. Weird.
4) I'm taking down some things from public view, that had the potential to make me feel degraded, downplayed, mocked, used, dejected, morally bankrupt. That used to be my way of getting attention. Now, I feel that Taking back the Night is my way of gaining self-esteem. While I do this for me, there is another who I hope to honour with my actions.
That is all... goodnight.
Let me reiterate in short form:
1) I can't sleep
2) it's 80 degrees in my apartment -- can't wait to see what summer is like!
3) I had a weird Matrix-like dream about a friend on whom I used to have a crush. In that dream, everything happened that anyone would ever want. And in that dream lots of bad stuff happened afterward. Weird.
4) I'm taking down some things from public view, that had the potential to make me feel degraded, downplayed, mocked, used, dejected, morally bankrupt. That used to be my way of getting attention. Now, I feel that Taking back the Night is my way of gaining self-esteem. While I do this for me, there is another who I hope to honour with my actions.
That is all... goodnight.
Taking Back the Night...
Not exactly in the traditional sense... but I haven't been able to sleep in days. Reason Number 1 is that sleep is a waste of time, when I could be doing virtually ANYTHING ELSE. 2, it's nearly 80 degrees in my apartment. How will I survive the summer? 3, tonight I had a 1 hour dream about a great friend of mine, upon whom I once had a crush.
In that dream, everything happened that I wanted to happen... and then lots of bad stuff happened because of it. It was kinda a waking dream -- not a lucid dream, because that is when you can control the outcome. It was like I was aware in bed, how I was feeling in my dream. Even though I went to bed at 1, got up for ice cream at 2... I said I slept for only an hour... so it's just past 3, now. Oh oh oh! I know.. the dream felt very matrix-like.
Speaking of the Matrix...
Or of the Trueman Show, or any other movie of that genre.... what should we make of it? In reality, God is the omnipotent, omnipresent... so what's the difference if it's God or some dude with a beer and a cigar pulling the strings? Oh that's right: because God is the one who knows all, sees all, and the one to whom I humbly offer my worship and praise and prayers.
A strong #4 from paragraph number 1...
There have been things in my past of which I am not proud. Namely, a collection of items placed in public view, which were not painting me in the most flattering light. True, there were a lot of times when I felt that was the way to get attention. Now it's time to selvage my self-esteem and make myself whole again. That means not sending false signals to guys I'm not interested in, too. That means not flirting just for the attention.
While there is another I am trying to honour by my "taking back the night"... it was conceived because of my own feelings toward me. Taken advantage of is the best way to describe my feelings. But there are lots of other hurt synonyms that can be entered in as well: Used, shown disrespect, whored-for-a-thrill, as well as mocked socially (and in one instance, professionally), gossipped about, and taken for a fool.
Ending on a happy note
My boss kinda offered to do some of my bidding today. Not in a "muh-ha-ha" sense as much as a "hey, let me do this favor for you." He really impressed me a few weeks ago when he expressed his desire to be a servant leader. Jesus Christ was a servant leader, and very humble. My Daddy is the same way (even played Jesus in the Church Easter Play each year, when he was younger). Anyways, I want to be like that too. While it's a contant struggle to not be "me Me ME!" in the office... he makes it easier to spread my mind and my wings. What a great person to work for! I'd think twice about giving him a kidney if he needed it!
In that dream, everything happened that I wanted to happen... and then lots of bad stuff happened because of it. It was kinda a waking dream -- not a lucid dream, because that is when you can control the outcome. It was like I was aware in bed, how I was feeling in my dream. Even though I went to bed at 1, got up for ice cream at 2... I said I slept for only an hour... so it's just past 3, now. Oh oh oh! I know.. the dream felt very matrix-like.
Speaking of the Matrix...
Or of the Trueman Show, or any other movie of that genre.... what should we make of it? In reality, God is the omnipotent, omnipresent... so what's the difference if it's God or some dude with a beer and a cigar pulling the strings? Oh that's right: because God is the one who knows all, sees all, and the one to whom I humbly offer my worship and praise and prayers.
A strong #4 from paragraph number 1...
There have been things in my past of which I am not proud. Namely, a collection of items placed in public view, which were not painting me in the most flattering light. True, there were a lot of times when I felt that was the way to get attention. Now it's time to selvage my self-esteem and make myself whole again. That means not sending false signals to guys I'm not interested in, too. That means not flirting just for the attention.
While there is another I am trying to honour by my "taking back the night"... it was conceived because of my own feelings toward me. Taken advantage of is the best way to describe my feelings. But there are lots of other hurt synonyms that can be entered in as well: Used, shown disrespect, whored-for-a-thrill, as well as mocked socially (and in one instance, professionally), gossipped about, and taken for a fool.
Ending on a happy note
My boss kinda offered to do some of my bidding today. Not in a "muh-ha-ha" sense as much as a "hey, let me do this favor for you." He really impressed me a few weeks ago when he expressed his desire to be a servant leader. Jesus Christ was a servant leader, and very humble. My Daddy is the same way (even played Jesus in the Church Easter Play each year, when he was younger). Anyways, I want to be like that too. While it's a contant struggle to not be "me Me ME!" in the office... he makes it easier to spread my mind and my wings. What a great person to work for! I'd think twice about giving him a kidney if he needed it!
Thursday, March 04, 2004
I hate severe weather. Or, Severe Storm Warning for Jim's Pants!
I remember back in the day (my childhood days), I hated thunderstorms. Always terrified of them, at the age of six, I would change my clothes whenever I saw lightning. Why? Because I thought the electricity in lightning was going to look in the windows and find my metal buttons and "get" me much like the alleged "boogey-man". While I never really got over that fear.. I realize that sometimes in life, we have to trust that our surroundings are okay.
Case in point? In just a couple of weeks, I am going to hop on an airplane and go on my favorite vacation ever (at least this far in my life)! How do I know that it's my favourite? Well.. dammit, if you must know... it's because I am not letting my former spouse get in the way of me expanding my horizons, any longer. Plus, I believe in the power of positive thinking. Except that for a living... I forecast airplane turbulence. There are MOUNTAINS between here and California. I'm queasy.
At my former job, who is affectionately know in my life henceforth and forevermore as 'WeatherBarn', there was one of those computer voice deals, that is widely known in the weather industry as "Igor". You might have heard this voice if you have one of those weather radios. Once, someone called up the weather service in White Lake, MI and asked if they would get an American to read the weather. Flustered, the forecaster said it was a computer. "Oh," the lady said "it sounded like a Packastani..." Anyhoo... we usta-could make Igor talk, at the 'Barn.... and our favourite thing for him to say was about our beloved manager, Jim (or in Joey-speak, Jimb): Flash-flood waring for Jim's Pants!
Case in point? In just a couple of weeks, I am going to hop on an airplane and go on my favorite vacation ever (at least this far in my life)! How do I know that it's my favourite? Well.. dammit, if you must know... it's because I am not letting my former spouse get in the way of me expanding my horizons, any longer. Plus, I believe in the power of positive thinking. Except that for a living... I forecast airplane turbulence. There are MOUNTAINS between here and California. I'm queasy.
At my former job, who is affectionately know in my life henceforth and forevermore as 'WeatherBarn', there was one of those computer voice deals, that is widely known in the weather industry as "Igor". You might have heard this voice if you have one of those weather radios. Once, someone called up the weather service in White Lake, MI and asked if they would get an American to read the weather. Flustered, the forecaster said it was a computer. "Oh," the lady said "it sounded like a Packastani..." Anyhoo... we usta-could make Igor talk, at the 'Barn.... and our favourite thing for him to say was about our beloved manager, Jim (or in Joey-speak, Jimb): Flash-flood waring for Jim's Pants!
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