On Telling Him that He Messed Up

My shock continues...

O and I had a discussion over the weekend: I thought he was wrong and feared telling him because I didn't want to fight. He asked me to please always share my thoughts and feelings with him. He hurt my feelings and wanted me to tell him when I thought he was wrong.

It's hard to get past old habits like never talking about bad things... never stirring up the waters. O lets me know in untold ways that he wants to further our communication. Sigh. It's good.

It all Blended together

Jayleigh mentioned synesthesia to me the other day... it's like when all of your senses mingle together and you can "taste" a colour, smell a number, etc. Some people have this condition, and I can appreciate its uniqueness. Today I opened a book of short stories and "Synesthesia" was the title of it. A woman was remembering her late husband (by the same name as my Othello) and talking about an "Othello" rose that she planted in remembrance of him.

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I started thinking what would happen to me if anything bad ever happened to my Othello. My world is wrapped up in the plans we are making together. As we continue to learn about eachother, likes and dislikes, personality quirks and the like... we fall deeply in love.

Watching the new Hugh Jackman movie called "The Fountain"... I sympathized deeply with the character Tommy who was losing Izzy, his wife. He went to the ends of the earth and beyond, to "save" her. It spoke so deeply to the place in my heart that has found a mate in Othello. The bonding, the love, the partnership....

Sometimes Othello says I tell him "I love you" too often. He doesn't realize that my heart is so happy and full since he has been in my life, that it just pops out automatically! Because I do love him, in fact, I care more about him and this relationship than I have ever cared about another man. While some may think it is easy to say that... this is a deeper, more complete relationship than has ever been experienced in my life.

When my love overflows and comes out of my eyes in the form of tears... when the words form a lump in my throat because they come out so strong, so fast, so often... as a hug turns into an aching heart because I love "us" so much that it hurts... I am grateful, thankful, and glad to be with my Othello.

An Open Apology to Sally the Bitch

For what it's worth: I'm sorry. Not for what you think I'm sorry for... but I'm sorry nonetheless.

Sally, you were a total wretch to me for reasons that you thought were mine. I see now that it appeared that when M.W. divorced you and started dating me, you thought it was because of something I did. Let me assure you, dame, that is not in my repertoire. But I see how it could look that way, so I'm sorry that it looked that way.

As a woman, something I never want to do, is to ever mess with another woman's man. But now it appears that twice in my life, someone thought that's what I was doing. "Once is an accident, twice is a pattern"... and so I apologize to Kay as well... even though I didn't do anything to threaten her.

Anyone stumbling upon my blog today might wonder what in hell I'm talking about. Its basically that bitchy women don't like that I'm nice to their husbands in the work place, in a professional manner. I work with only men and can't help that. And one of those men was M.W. who I dated after his divorce (not before). At any rate... at no time did I act inappropriately. Yet I garnered the wrath and hatred of all of her friends, and some of his.

The point? I realize today that although my relationship with M.W. was on the up and up... I'm feeling as though I want to apologize to Sally. Since she is a wretch and a bitch in the truest senses of the words.... I will do so here and leave it at that (seriously, even her kids think she's an antisocial c-bag!).

Thank you and good day!

Dot.

The Times, they Are A-Changin'

Keb' Mo' has put a new twist on the old Dylan song... give it a listen if you can find it (iTunes, perhaps?)

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'

That song reminds me of some of Proverbs in the Bible. Like "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth" and so on.

Funny how my times changed over the last Quarter-year. From being alone and drinking too much, to finding a deep, serious love, a committed partner and a future husband. I seriously cried myself to sleep many nights, not thinking that anyone would or could ever love me.

My views of the world and of relationships are incredibly short-sighted, and I'm not exactly sure how to step back and make sure that this time I know what I'm doing. Guess it's a good thing that I can actually see and note that fear exists in my life?

Living "on the edge" is not as fun as it used to be. I'd like to settle down, finish school, and live a life of happiness and babies with my partner, my lover, my soulmate.

Everybody Needs a Little Respect

Jayleigh asked me the other day "How do you feel about Othello?" Plain and simple, I said "I love him." Then J lamented how I never said that about M.W.... only that "I respect him" and she thought it was droll and boring and stupid of me.

Even though M.W. was actually not my love of a lifetime... it's important for everone to have a love that they respect. Now, while I do respect Othello.... I love him just as much and want to be his partner and want him to be mine. It's not all about respect. We're friends. We're in love. Hearts and flowers and motor-scooters everywhere!

So while Jayleigh is relieved that I don't characterize my current relationship as mainly "respect-driven".... everybody needs respect. I didn't respect Nelson whatsoever. We need to have respect for our loved ones or ... shit, we got nothin'!

A "Spiritual 911"?

The incident of the pastor of the new life church in Colorado is admitting his guilt in the sex-meth scandal over the past week. In my mind, this is hyprocracy at its very worst.

Now don't got and get angry with me: I'm not suggesting that he has to be perfect. However it's important to recognize that being a Human is an incredibly weak place to start... that we need to do the best we can, but ask for help when we can't.

I hate that lots of people are saying that this pastor was the center of the church. Their faith should be placed in Jesus, and not in a single, weak, human being. Likewise they should not lose faith in God for the actions of this weak man.... instead they should use the opportunity to be honest about their own shortcomings... and to be more tolerant, understanding, and most of all, helpful to those whose shortcomings can damage themselves and others.

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On another note... it's still very fun, settling into the relationship with Othello. He is truly someone that I have opened my heart to... It's really nice.

400 Posts! Or, This Girl, That Guy

Wow, In just under three years, I have my 400th episode. Were there banners and tickertape? NO.... Did anyone bake a cake? Nada. But How cathartic hath my 400 episodes been?

I started writing the day I separated from my ex. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't even cry sometimes. So there was that heartbreak.... rebuilding my life, my love, a new relationship with trials of its own, to the end of my first adult love. There have been trips, prayers, and dating woes. Successes in business, a few failures, and lot's of "Thanks for the Duckies".... My life went from crap, up and down a huge roller-coaster to content. From sad to happy. From nuthin' to somethin'. Thanks to all who have read me... for your comments and questions. Thanks for caring about a girl you've never met. Advice, thoughts, prayers, etc.

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Othello is the guy whose friends are all girls. Dorothy is the girl whose friends are all guys. Funny, right? That Othello and I are such good friends.... that we are eachother's co-equal. Sigh. He's that guy. He's THAT guy!

I Will Follow You

Settling in. Following his lead. Falling asleep in his arms. Feeling comfortable. Gaining confidence. Falling deeper in love every day.

At the start, Othello said he wanted to put off any and all "serious" talk/actions for 90 days. He says he's shootin' from the hip, but his innate sensibility is hard to deny - that man's got me wrapped around his pinky. About 45 days into us... we both agreed that our future is a foregone conclusion and naturally assumed that "we" will become "us" sometime next year. It was 90 days this Tuesday last... and I couldn't be more satisfied...

Both of us are the kind of people who really get into the serious partnership/relationship/thing. I find that my hair-trigger of non-trust is starting to get more exercise, the more I make myself vulnerable to him. He is measured, strong, stoic at times... and still fun. How can that be? (grin)

So I have been praying for Othello nearly constantly. He does not know Jesus and it's by far my biggest concern about him. Of course he also has to have a loving and kind heart, and totally love me before anything else transpires.... which is the case. We've talked about how to raise our children, how many, and when. My future is staring me in the face.

Oh, is it ever! Dorothy Jean "Not In Kansas" Gale is in love with Othello "43" Snowboarder and she has no plans on stopping!